The other night, I watched Southern Comfort, the award-winning documentary about Robert Eads, a transman who died of ovarian cancer in 1999 after more than thirty health providers refused to treat him. Robert was also the parent of two sons, one of whom is interviewed in the movie. "Being true to myself is everything that Mom taught me," says Doug, Robert's oldest son. The importance of acknowledging and struggling to be true to ourselves is a valuable lesson we learn from our transgender parents. Sadly, just as Robert's family did, we also come to understand the broad impacts of transphobia in our parents' and our lives.

Tuesday November 20, 2007 marks the ninth annual Transgender Day of Remembrance. Today, we honor the victims of transphobia, those who have died due to anti-transgender hatred or prejudice. At vigils across the country, people will read the names of those who died this year. Some were murdered and others took their own lives. They were our siblings, our colleagues, our friends, and some of them were our parents.

Robert Eads did not just die of cancer; he was also the victim of transphobia. He had the right to be treated for a deadly disease, but the fact that he was a transsexual man with ovarian cancer kept medical providers from saving his life. Transphobia, like homophobia, permeates our society on many levels, and healthcare is no exception. It threatens our families as a social disease and restricts our parents' access to healthcare, employment, and basic human rights. As Robert says in the film, "Family is the core... the stone that holds everything together." When our parents are the targets of anti-transgender hatred or prejudice, that stone begins to crumble. We deserve to live in a world where no one is subject to violence and where we all have access to medical treatment.

Tonight, I will attend the Transgender Day of Remembrance vigil at the LGBT Center here in San Francisco. (For information, see the SF Transgender Empowerment and Mentorship website at http://sfteam.org/.) I invite you to attend an event in your area. If you cannot attend a vigil, consider watching Southern Comfort to learn more about the life of Robert Eads and his family. For other suggestions of books and films that your family could use to observe Trans Day of Remembrance, check out the COLAGE Transgender Family Resource on our website at http://www.colage.org/resources/transgender_family.htm. You can also donate to The Marcelle Cook-Daniels Memorial Fund, named for a transgender parent who died in April 2000. Read more about the fund at http://www.colage.org/support/dedicate.htm.

As a community, we remember all those we have lost and work toward a future free from transphobia and hatred.

Monica Canfield-Lenfest is in the midst of a five-month Kids of Trans Fellowship with COLAGE. Contact her to learn more at kidsoftrans@colage.org.