Nick Hetherington is one of the first known people with lesbian moms to be born through donor insemination. Today he is a leader of the COLAGE NYC chapter, and a wonderful advocate for people with LGBTQ parents.

BBC Interview, June 2011 with Nick & his mom Janis
Nick and Janis Hetherington by COLAGE

• We’re All Beginners. Mark Snyder, Communications Coordinator, interviews Mike Mills and offers a personal reaction to the film.
• Watch video stories from COLAGE members sharing about having LGBTQ parents!
• Paul Perry: My “Beginners Story”
• Share your Beginners Stories with COLAGE

Preview & Synopsis:

This new love floods Oliver with memories of his father, who, following the death of his wife of 45 years, came out of the closet at age 75 to live a full, energized, and wonderfully tumultuous gay life – which included a younger boyfriend, Andy (Goran Visnjic of ER). The upheavals of Hal’s new honesty, by turns funny and moving, brought father and son closer than they’d ever been able to be. Now Oliver endeavors to love Anna with all the bravery, humor, and hope that his father taught him.”

photo: Jennifer Brown

By Danielle Shapiro

“When Rosa Ortiz first met her adoptive parents, she was a troubled 14-year-old living in a group home in Ridgewood.

Jon and Michael Galluccio, who had just adopted Ortiz’s infant sister, Madison, arrived with the baby for a visit. The state had taken away all five children born to Ortiz’s biological mother, and the Galluccios wanted to bring the sisters together. Although Ortiz says initially she was “confused” by the concept of two men as parents, that wasn’t what impressed her most.

“When I saw my parents for the first time, I could see the love they had for their kids. I didn’t see a gay couple. I saw parents,” says Ortiz, now 28 and a mother of three.“   Read the full article>

(Washington, D.C.), April 28, 2011 – The U.S. Department of Labor today announced that it will explicitly prohibit workplace discrimination on the basis of gender identity within the department. New equal employment opportunity policies, signed by Secretary Hilda Solis, include updated policies on prohibiting discrimination on the basis of sex, including gender identity and pregnancy.

The Transgender Law Center praises Secretary Solis for this important step to level the playing field for current and potential transgender employees of the Department of Labor.

“We applaud Secretary Solis for acting with fairness and equity for its employees,” said Masen Davis, Executive Director of the Transgender Law Center. “We look forward to continuing to work with the administration to respond to the employment-related needs of all Americans – including transgender Americans – and ensure equal access to federal employment programs for everyone.”

“I am expressing my personal commitment to ensure that the U.S. Department of Labor is a model workplace, free from unlawful discrimination and harassment, which fosters a work environment that fully utilizes the capabilities of every employee,” said Secretary Solis. “It is my goal that we achieve and maintain a high-quality, diverse workforce at all organizational levels throughout the department.”

A startling number of transgender and gender non-conforming Californians continue to face workplace discrimination, harassment and unemployment directly linked to their gender identity or expression. As shown in the Transgender Law Center’s 2009 Report, The State of Transgender California, transgender people face twice the rate of unemployment as the general population. The Department of Labor is the federal agency primarily responsible for addressing unemployment. As such, the Department of Labor is well positioned serve as a model employer for transgender people.

The Transgender Law Center views this as the first in many steps the Department of Labor can take to alleviate unemployment for transgender people and others who do not fit narrow gender stereotypes. The Transgender Law Center calls on the Department to ensure that all programs funded by the Department of Labor comply with all local and state laws prohibiting discrimination against gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people.

The department’s policies on equal employment opportunity and harassing conduct in the workplace can be viewed at http://www.dol.gov/oasam/programs/crc/crc-internal/eeo.htm and http://www.dol.gov/oasam/programs/crc/crc-internal/Policy-Statement-on-Harassing-Conduct-in-the-Workplace.htm.

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The Transgender Law Center is a civil rights organization advocating for transgender communities. The Transgender Law Center uses direct legal services, education, community organizing, and advocacy to transform California into a state that recognizes and supports the needs of transgender people and their families. www.TransgenderLawCenter.org.

At COLAGE we know that many people with lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or queer (LGBTQ) parents face challenges and isolation because their families are not reflected in school curriculum or discussions. We also know that when bills like this are splashed across newspaper pages, twitter, and facebook, people with LGBTQ parents experience increased bullying and discrimination.

Families come in all shapes and sizes so it is vital for our youth that all families are celebrated in schools.

COLAGE contributed to an Amicus Brief in the case.

Beth Teper, Executive Director of COLAGE, asserts, “This is great news! At COLAGE we know that what matters most in a child’s life is the quality and consistency of parenting not the number, gender or sexual orientation of their parents.”

COLAGE extends our congratulations and deep appreciation to our friends at the ACLU for bringing this case and fighting for equality.

Learn more about the case at aclu.org>

At COLAGE we know by experience that LGB families have many different family formations including single parents, co-parents, grandparents and beyond, and LGB families come from every race, ethnic, class, and geographical background imaginable.

US Census Data presented by the Williams Institute has shown this to be true. We are eagerly awaiting analysis of the most recent Census data., yet even in 2000 the Census showed that self-identified lesbian, gay, and bisexual people were more racially diverse than those identifying as heterosexual.

One stereotype about LGB families is that they are primarily white, wealthy and “well-off.” This could not be further from the truth. Data has shown that many LGB people live in poverty, and that same-sex couples with children have slightly less earned income than heterosexual married couples with children.

The 2000 Census showed that one in five children being raised by same-sex couples lives in poverty.

Check out the report on LGB demographics below presented by Gary J. Gates of the Williams Institute.

LGB Demographics

COLAGE featured in Vanity Fair Italy

It started when we were at Sundance last year. Sandy and I heard the buzz about “The Kids Are All Right” and were happy to hear that the very talented Lisa Cholodenko had made a new film with three of our favorite actors—Annette Bening, Julianne Moore, and Mark Ruffalo. It had all the makings of a mainstream hit, which we were thrilled about. Then we heard a bit more of the premise of the film mainly revolving around the tired cliché of a lesbian sleeping with a guy (who saw that coming?), and our desire to actually see the film waned.

In the year since, the film has garnered tons of critical press, been nominated for numerous awards, including an Oscar for best picture, and been debated around many a queer dinner table, including ours, despite our not having actually seen the movie. With the Academy Awards bearing down this Sunday, and my discomfort with expressing an uninformed opinion growing, Sandy and I watched “The Kids Are All Right” this past weekend.

It was worse than I feared. Major and numerous spoiler alerts here, so if you haven’t seen the film, stop reading.

First of course there is the sex, which among the women is about as passionate and appealing as cleaning the garage. I do not care what porn they watch. I do care that the reason they seem to have for watching porn—to get into having sex with each other—fails to convey the slightest heat (Bening may as well have been watching a documentary on the life of sea turtles) and ends up looking boring and sad. Then there is the parenting. By turns, the women either infantilize their teenage children or smother them. The kids may be alright, but the parents can’t take a whole lot of credit.

The relationship between the Moore and Ruffalo characters seems driven only by opportunity, not attraction. And for those who don’t know many lesbian couples, it will only reinforce the stereotype—harbored by many straight men—that given the chance, we will, in fact, sleep with them. Finally, and then really I will stop, are the moments I found most discomfiting and offensive and yet rarely commented on—the race and class dynamics. There are three people of color in the film. They are tools of pleasure, support, or labor, and when their services are no longer required by our painfully self-absorbed leads, or when they dare react realistically to what they are witnessing, they are rudely and cruelly dispatched.

It pains me that this is the story and characters America is seeing. It pains me that Cholodenko, whose body of work transfixed and moved me, will now have this at the top of her resume. It pains me that Annette Bening had to be cast as a shrew to justify Moore’s unconvincing dalliance. It pains me to imagine what this movie could have been and the story it could have told.

This state of affairs is not unique to us. As the lives of any group, traditionally marginalized in popular culture, move to the mainstream, there will be cringe-inducing moments. We’ll get over it. I’ll get over it. But given the talent and brilliance of all involved, and the final five minutes of the film where we actually begin to like the women and root for their relationship, there will always be a tinge of regret in wondering what might have been.