Tips for Researchers

Studying Youth with LGBTQ

Parents

COLAGE receives hundreds of requests each year from teachers, professors, scholars, and other academic professionals, as well as secondary, undergraduate, and graduate students conducting research about different aspects of LGBTQ families. Many of these are folks wishing to do interviews or surveys with children of LGBTQ parents.   While research is not a primary focus of COLAGE’s work, we recognize the importance of objective and useful studies about our families and offer resources for researchers whenever possible.

As children of lesbians, gays, bisexuals, transgender, and/or queer people, our relationships to research and researchers are complex.  COLAGE recognizes the role that research has played in securing rights for LGBTQ individuals, families and communities.  Major institutions including the Supreme Court, state and federal legislatures, regional and district courts, schools, and professional associations have relied on research findings to counter commonly held biases and stereotypes.  At the same time, COLAGE recognizes that some researchers are themselves homophobic and conduct research attempting to verify commonly held biases and stereotypes.  Finally, although we applaud and welcome the expertise, support and validation of LGBTQ-friendly researchers and scholars, COLAGE also feels strongly that we, as children and adults with LGBTQ parents, are the ultimate authorities and experts on our own lives. Pleas also see our “Some Ideas for Further Research Relating to Children with LGBTQ Parents” for our suggestions on what further research would be beneficial to our community.

To address some of these complexities, COLAGE has created “Tips for Researchers Studying Children of LGBTQ Parents.”  We hope this brief guide will strengthen not only your individual research project, but the state of research overall as it relates to our lives and families.

We ask folks considering research projects about children of LGBTQ parents to keep in mind the following:

1. Understand Our Language.  Some children of LGBTQ parents will use “COLAGEr” or “queerspawn” to refer to themselves and other children of LGBTQ parents.  Do not assume, however, that all children of LGBTQ parents use this terminology, like it, or are even aware of it.
2. Move Beyond “How We Turn Out.”  COLAGErs are used to the feeling that they are being watched, studied, or otherwise treated as poster children of the LGBTQ movement. Alternately, we are acutely aware that we represent the greatest fears of opposition to LGBTQ equality, because we stand to either dispute or reinforce homophobic assumptions about LGBTQ families. The underlying goal of research often seems to be to determine how we as children of LGBTQ parents “turn out,” which is then supposed to somehow resolve the debate about whether LGBTQ people are capable of raising children.  When planning your project, think about how you can move away from this problematic trend of treating children of LGBTQ parents as mere specimen.  We neither need nor deserve the pressure of proving through our lives and personalities whether or not our parents should have raised us—this is not pressure usually faced by kids of straight parents.
3. Plan ahead. Please keep in mind that the members of our staff and Speak Out program have full-time school or work schedules. We often hear from students who are on extremely tight deadlines wanting immediate interviews or assistance from COLAGE. The more flexible you are, the more likely it is that someone will be willing and able to work with you on your report or project.
4. Our Sexuality is…Our Own.  The most common question asked about those of us with LGBTQ parents is: what is your sexual orientation? Unless this information is directly related to the research you are conducting, leave this question out of your interview. Keep in mind that many young people just don’t know yet. Also, many folks find this an intrusion, and many are offended (or just “put on the spot”) because there is an assumption that if someone is straight, then it’s not so bad that their parent is gay, but if they are gay, then it reflects poorly not only on their parents, but on LGBTQ families in general.  Whether the person is gay, straight, bi, or something else entirely, their sexuality is their own—it’s demeaning to have this aspect of self turned into a piece of evidence for or against your family.  Unless your research is specifically looking at the sexual orientation and gender identity of individuals with one or more LGBTQ parent, you probably do not need to know or ask.
5. Reinforcing Homophobia Won’t End Homophobia.  Additionally, think about the underlying assumptions that might be embedded in your research questions. COLAGErs have expressed the feeling that academics’ questions are not really about the whole picture of how we turn out, but rather, they focus on homophobic fears and assumptions. These questions have to do with what genders we would consider having sex with, what type of gender roles we were exposed to as children, and if we are meeting societal standards of what it means to be a “man” or a “woman.”  Often, the hope is that our answers will show us to be “the same as” children of straight parents.  Instead of assuming that being “the same as” is the best outcome, consider exploring how the unique qualities of our families might benefit us as children, or what skills, ideas, and resources LGBTQ-parented families and children might have to offer straight-parented families and children.
6. Anonymity, Confidentiality, and Privacy.  Many LGBTQ families are concerned about privacy, and for good reason: homophobia and transphobia, social ostracism, being fired, being evicted, being attacked, etc. are all common results when bigots find out about our families. However, don’t assume that we’ll want to be anonymous—you’ll find tons of kids who are proudly outspoken about their families. But also be understanding and accommodating if and when youth with LGBTQ parents request anonymity.
7. Respect COLAGEr-only Spaces.  Do not expect or ask to observe one of the groups or activities run by COLAGE.  Unless you have an LGBTQ parent yourself, you are not able to join or observe any of the groups COLAGE offers for people with LGBTQ parents, including those we offer on the Internet.  These groups are safe spaces for folks with LGBTQ parents that we keep confidential and private.  If you have an LGBTQ parent and are participating in a COLAGE group, feel free to post or announce invitations to participate in research projects—but please do not collect information from online or in-person discussions without receiving permission from everyone present.  If in doubt, check in with your group leader or list moderator before proceeding.
8. Our Families Come in All Shapes and Sizes.  There are many ways in which our families are complex—several parents co-parenting children together, closeted parents, divorced and blended families, single parents, transgender parents or guardians, and multi-racial families, just to name a few examples.  We are often told by members of academia that “so and so’s story is SO interesting, but it’s just too complicated.” By telling the lesser-known ways in which LGBTQ parents create and sustain families, you help counter the idea that there is only one successful model for parenting or growing up.  Plus, you would be doing a great justice to the thousands of kids represented by these families!

If you already have a research project or question you are working on, we hope these suggestions will help you carry out your project with maximum respect for us and our families, and maximum impact on homophobia in our society.  If you are interested in research but have yet to design a specific study or question for exploration, check out our “Ideas for Further Research Relating to Children with LGBTQ Parents”!

Tips for Medical 

Professionals for Making

Better/Safer Environments

for Youth with LGBTQ

Parents

In the United States alone, there are millions of people with one or more lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and/or queer (LGBTQ) parent(s). While research shows that there are no significant developmental differences or negative effects on children of LGBTQ parents, these youth report facing significantly more prejudice and discrimination because of societal homophobia and transphobia.

LGBTQ families, particularly families that include one or more non-biological parents, face a range of systemic impediments to care and custody of children, including exclusion from a spouse’s health insurance coverage and hostility in school systems and health care settings.

Based on a Kaiser Permanente national survey of nursing students, 8-12 percent “despised” lesbian, gay and bisexual people, 5-12 percent found lesbian, gay and bisexual people “disgusting” and 40-43 percent thought lesbian, gay and bisexual people should keep their sexuality private. Homophobia and transphobia in health care fields impacts the ability of youth with LGBTQ parents and their families to access care.

The Williams Institute published research in October 2006 that shows 20 percent of same-sex couples are uninsured, compared with only 10 percent of married people and 15 percent of the overall population. This means that a higher number of LGBTQ couples as well as their children do not have health coverage. LGBTQ people who are unable to access adequate health care are less able to care for children. Some LGBTQ parents are able to access health coverage through domestic partner benefits. Still, the majority of employers don’t offer domestic-partner benefits, and even among those that do, some people may not feel comfortable taking advantage of them, especially if they are not able to be “out” at work.

Because of stigma and prejudice, and because people with LGBTQ parents and their families represent a minority of the U.S. population—a population that is still not a recognized category in the U.S. census—clinical and public health studies and program evaluation have been scarce in all sectors of health delivery and research.

Medical professionals are the first responders when it comes to making sure people are treated equally, regardless of their differences—like sexual orientation, gender identity or family status. Patients should feel safe and confident when they are in hospitals, clinics, or even on the operating table.

There are simple ways to make the practice environment safer and more welcoming for children of LGBTQ parent(s) and their families. Simple changes in everything from patient forms to office décor can have a significant impact on the comfort level and interactivity of a child of LGBTQ parent(s) of any age. Open communications between medical professional and patient not only make the relationship easier, but it can also save lives.

The following tips are compiled through our individual and collective experiences as children of LGBTQ parent(s) and are not based on any quantitative or qualitative study or research.

Realize We Are Part of the Community

Understand that while most kids with LGBTQ parents may not be LGBTQ themselves, they are still a large and active part of the “gay community.”  They may not identify outwardly about their role in the community, but are nonetheless a part of it.

Enter a Conversation with an Open Mind

While medicine is about rendering judgment and finding a solution, it best to enter conversations with kids of LGBTQ families judgment-free. Language can be quite stigmatizing. What does the child call their parents? Use accurate pronouns and language when talking about family or people. Practice how you’ll treat a trans-family interaction and be open to critique and feedback.

Show Your Respect for our Families

Show “signs” that LGBTQ families are welcome; even the subtlest hint of acceptance will be felt.  Signs could include a poster, rainbow sticker, visually inclusive brochures or even the posting of a non-discrimination policy. An actual physical sign could be the creation and posting of a unisex bathroom.

Make an Impact with the Right Books and Magazines

It may seem minor, but more powerful than a rainbow sticker on a door, the right books and magazines can really show acceptance. Stock waiting rooms with gay family magazines and books for kids with LGBTQ parents.

Change Patient Intake Forms

Nothing can annoy children of LGBTQ parents more than intake forms. Whether it is a school release form, college application or a medical history sheet, the assumption that we have a mother and father that we know and can give information on is sometimes daunting and off-putting. Changing forms to be more general and open to multiple parents may give more information than needed, but is conveys a sense of acceptance to the patient.

Re-evaluate Policies and Procedures

Visitation rules are probably the most mentioned form of discrimination among kids of LGBTQ parents. Policies are created to limit the number of people and protect children from exposure, but imagine a child getting their tonsils taken out can only be visited by their one biological mother or father. And not all LGBTQ families can afford powers of attorney to override access to loved ones. Redefining “family” to stretch beyond bloodlines can only aid in patient care.

Know the Ins and Outs of  “Outness”

Kids of LGBTQ parents are at different levels of outness when it comes to their families and even their own acceptance. Just because the parents are open doesn’t mean the kids are. Gauge the level of openness through conversation. Ask questions.

Avoid Assumptions in All Aspects of Work

One of the first questions children of LGBTQ parents are asked is “Are you gay?” Usually the answer is no—studies have shown that children with LGBTQ are no more likely to be LGBTQ themselves than children of heterosexual parents. People also assume that because the child’s parents are “defined” by sex that the child is all-knowing of sex and the gay community. Assumptions are avoided in rendering medical decisions as they should be in rendering understanding of a patient’s life.

Teach Yourself and Teach Others

Bring in workplace training on LGBTQ families, or bring in specialists in areas of trans-families or adoptive families. Seek out LGBTQ medical associations and organizations and be an ambassador to others, like patients and co-workers. Medical professionals have a power link to the community and can create a significant difference in discrimination and stigma-reduction.

What you should know about children with one or more LGBTQ Parent(s):

• We look no different than our peers.
• We are very aware of discrimination against our families (even if the parents are trying to shield us).
• About 10 percent of us are 2ndGen (Second Generation), which means we identify as LGBTQ.
• We come from all types of families—we are children of divorced parents, ethnically diverse families, hetero-appearing families, trans-parented families and blended families.
• A large number of children are adopted into gay families.
• We face great pressures from family and society to be or at least appear “straight,” “normal” or “perfect,” in addition to all the other pressure our peers face through life.
• This pressure also makes it difficult for us and our families to admit when there are challenges such as abuse in our families.
• We often like to protect our families and not tell when we face or hear discrimination.
• We do not always know our biological medical history.
• We understand what it means to be different.

Tips for Making Classrooms

Safer for Students with

LGBTQ Parents

A guide created by the Youth Leadership Action Program

“In middle school when I made my family tree, my teacher told me it couldn’t have two women. I was told it could either have one of my moms’ sides, or I could “make up a father.” The teacher chose to pass on ignorance and intolerance, instead of using the opportunity to teach my classmates about diversity.” -14 year old daughter of a lesbian mom

“I wrote a report for school about my friend Stefan who has a lesbian mom and a gay dad.  While presenting my report to the class I mentioned his parents’ sexuality and everyone went into an uproar.  I slunk ashamedly back to my seat without finishing my report.” -16 year old daughter of lesbian moms   

“When I was in 3^rd grade, I was absent one day and my teacher decided to out me to the class. I came to school the next day and was horrified. I was teased for the next 4 years until I moved to a different district.”- 15 year old daughter of a lesbian mom

“One time, some seniors who had seen the rainbow sticker on my mom’s car threw me into a garbage can and called me homophobic names.”- 17 year old son of lesbian moms and a gay dad

In the United States alone, there are millions of people with one or more lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and/or queer (LGBTQ) parent(s). While research shows that there are no significant developmental differences or negative effects on children of LGBTQ parents, these youth do report facing significantly more prejudice and discrimination because of societal homophobia and transphobia. Youth report that schools are a key place where they face intolerance—from peers, teachers, school administration, and school systems that are affected by the homophobia in our society.  The following tips attempt to introduce teachers to the topic of safety and respect for youth with LGBTQ parents in schools. Developed by a group of youth with LGBTQ parents in the San Francisco Bay Area, these suggestions are first steps in making your classrooms and schools more affirming and safe for students from LGBTQ families, as well as all students affected by homophobia and oppression.

1. Always intervene whenever you hear or see anti-gay language or actions. At the beginning of the year, set classroom rules that include making it clear that racist, homophobic, sexist, etc. comments are not welcome in your classroom. Send a clear message that homophobia will never be tolerated. In addition, try to link homophobia to other types of oppression—teach students that hate in all of its forms is wrong.

2. Do not make assumptions about any student’s background. Create a classroom where each student is able to share freely about their identity and families.

3. Visually show your support. On your walls include a poster about diverse families (perhaps the COLAGE poster) or other images that show you are an ally to LGBTQ people and issues.

4. Challenge heterosexism in your assignments. Some examples: In language classes asking youth to describe their families, often youth with LGBTQ parents have been reprimanded for using the wrong gender pronouns.  However, often the fact that they are using he and he to describe two dads is correct. If you assign family origin or family tree projects, allow youth from alternative families to make their own decisions about how they portray their families, whether it is two parents of the same gender, or multiple parents who co-parent them, etc.

5. Include Topics about Diversity in your curriculum. Study different kinds of families and famous LGBTQ people (and when someone you are studying anyway is a LGBTQ person, mention that), have speakers, and use videos and books to show students that diversity is something to be celebrated. Perhaps use events such as National Coming Out Day, Pride Day, or a Unity Week as reasons to incorporate LGBTQ issues positively into your classroom.

6. Never out a student with LGBTQ parents. The only person who should make the decision to share about their family is the student when they feel safe and ready to do so.

7. Do not make assumptions about youth with LGBTQ parents. Youth from alternative families report that people often assume certain traits will apply to all youth with LGBTQ parents. For example, do not expect that a student who has LGBTQ parents will also be gay.  Research shows that there is no higher incidence of homosexuality among people raised by LGBTQ parents.

8. Make your classroom accessible. Do not rely on forms that ask for signatures from mother and father. Instead use the terms Parent/Guardian.  On Back to School night, or during parent teacher conferences, expect and welcome LGBTQ parents.

9. Work with your administration to make sure your school is safe for students with LGBTQ families. Suggest that the faculty at your school does an LGBTQ sensitivity training, or an in-service about LGBTQ and diverse families. Discuss protocols for dealing with anti-gay or anti-gay family harassment on school-wide or department levels so that all teachers are equipped to address homophobia.

10. Educate yourself. Learn more about LGBTQ families and issues.  Not only will this allow you to be informed when students raise questions or need resources, but it will help you be better equipped to address incidents of homophobia in your school and to include LGBTQ content in your curriculum.  As a starting point, use the resources at the back of this guide for suggestions of books, movies, websites and more.

11. Be involved.  If your school has a Gay Straight Alliance or other type of club, attend meetings when possible to show your support.  You can also offer to be the faculty advisor for such a club if students are trying to start one in your school.  If you are involved in your school’s GSA, Rainbow Club, or other diversity club, ensure that LGBTQ family issues are included and that youth from LGBTQ families are welcomed as participants.

*For the full “Tips” sheet with definitions and resources, please email colage@colage.org

Some Ideas for Further

Research Relating to Youth

with LGBTQ Parents

While some aspects of our lives have been over-analyzed, other aspects have been ignored.  COLAGE has identified some areas where we think more research (or in some cases better research) should be done.

1. Study the Impact of Homophobia on Our Lives.  Many, many people have studied the impact our LGBTQ parents have had on our lives.  However, very few people have researched the impact of homophobia on our lives.  When schools debate how old students have to be before they can be “exposed” to gay people, how does this affect those of us who had LGBTQ parents when we were very young?  When states deny our families legal protections, how does this shape our access to resources we need to grow up strong, healthy, and safe?  If our teachers and classmates create hostile environments for us in school, how does this impact our educational achievement?  When society only recognizes biological ties as legitimate, how does this impact our relationships with non-biological parents?  There are hundreds of questions like this that have either not been asked at all, or not answered sufficiently.  Research on this subject will support COLAGE and other advocacy organizations by demonstrating the social harm of homophobia, thus adding incentives everyday people, as well as policy-makers, to step up and take the necessary steps for reducing this harm and protecting all members of society equally.

2. Quantitative Analysis.    As awareness of diverse families spreads, more and more official agencies are expanding how they permit people to define their identities and family structures.  Up to now, there has been little quantifiable knowledge of children from LGBTQ families.  How many of us are there?  What are the demographics of our community, especially around race, income, gender, and geography?  COLAGE is often asked questions like this, and unfortunately the answer is often that we just don’t know.  The National Gay and Lesbian Task Force’s ground-breaking analysis of the 2000 census is a model for this type of research.  However, further advocacy is needed to make the census even more representative of our families, and there may be other methods that can answer some of these questions as well.  Quantitative analysis helps reporters, policy-makers, and ordinary people understand the diversity of our community.  It is easier to estimate the harm of local anti-gay initiatives if one is able to find out the number of LGBTQ people or families living locally.  Homophobic leaders cannot claim that our families don’t exist, or that we only exist in cities like San Francisco.  Practically speaking, quantitative research would be incredibly useful “on the ground” for COLAGE and our partner organizations.

3. Needs Assessment.  To our knowledge, there has never been a comprehensive needs assessment of children with LGBTQ parents or our families.  Researchers could help us determine the “big picture” of the challenges we face and the impact different factors have on our lives.  This in turn will allow grassroots organizations like COLAGE make more informed decisions when developing new programs, prioritizing legislative or court battles, or improving on existing services.

4. Public Opinion.  We live at a time when public opinion regarding LGBTQ people and families is changing constantly.  On the one hand there is a clear increase in acceptance and awareness of our families.  On the other hand, there is a clear backlash, both politically and culturally, against our families.  At a time when nearly every state in the union (and many localities, not to mention the federal government) are making decisions about our families, we could use some strong analysis of public opinion: what is it, what makes it, how it has changed, and where it might be heading.  In communities or areas that seem to be very homophobic, what is the glue that holds this in place?  In areas that are very open, what efforts are made to create and maintain this kind of atmosphere?  In areas that have seen change, what events or messages fueled that change?

5. Standing up to the Right.  Unfortunately, much of the political right-wing is united against LGBTQ families.  They often pursue their anti-family agenda in the name of ‘family values.’  Right-wing organizations sponsor their own research—and they have “proven” many myths and stereotypes about children from LGBTQ families, as well as LGBTQ more generally.  Furthermore, the messages of the right are often successful against a backdrop of misinformation and manipulation.  We need scholars who are able and dedicated to holding these homophobic “scholars” and activists accountable.  Scrutinize their research premises, methodologies, and conclusions.  If conservative scholars are successful because they put out misinformation as truth, we need other scholars to step up and publicly challenge these ideas, and correct the misinformation.  If scholarly journals are publishing inaccurate and methodologically flawed “studies”, they need to feel the weight of their professional peers denouncing such practices.  This is not necessarily a research project, but it is something that will take a community effort, and will significantly ease the burden of grassroots organizations and individuals who are working to interrupt homophobia.  It could conceivably be a subject of research if one wanted to take on an in-depth, historical analysis of conservative lies in the guise of academia.

6. Make your Work Accessible and Available.  Your study could be ground-breaking.  It could shatter homophobic myths, and change how we think about sexuality and families forever.  But if it is only published in an academic journal, or written in specialized language that someone without a degree in your field wouldn’t understand, it may not translate on the ground.  Please take the time to let people outside of the academy know about your work.  Send it to community organizations.  Write a less technical version that could work as a press release or letter to the editor.  Offer free copies of your book to non-profits working to end homophobia.  You have spent time and expertise increasing knowledge of a particular subject—make sure other folks can benefit from and use your work.

Thanks for taking the time to consider these ideas.  We hope that they provide inspiration for your future research.  Whatever questions you decide to pursue, COLAGE appreciates your efforts to increase understanding and awareness of our diverse communities.  Feel free to get in touch with our office—our staff is on hand to help answer your questions and connect you to the information and people you will need for your work.

Transition Tips for Parents

“See the transition as not being about the [parent] going through change, but the whole family going through change. Everyone needs support.” – Steve Vinay G., age 48

Since there are very few parenting resources available to transgender people, we have included these best practices for transitioning parents. Of course, there are other issues involved in transgender parenting. See our Transgender Family Resources List for publications, websites, and parenting organizations. If you haven’t already, please request a copy of our Kids of Trans Resource Guide, read it over, and give it to your children.

• Coming out to family is a major issue for transgender people and can be a difficult process. Please keep in mind that the entire family transitions, not just the transgender parent. Every member of the family needs time and support to adjust to the changes of a gender transition. The process of acceptance can take a while and is often ongoing. You can let your children know – through language and action – that, no matter what, you will still be their parent.
• As a parent, remember that your children come first and your transition comes second. Transition is an inherently self-focused process, as you align your body and appearance with your gender identity. The best way to be a responsible parent during transition is to make your children a major priority throughout the process. Sometimes this means that you have to compromise your ideal time frame for your transition in order to keep relationships with your family healthy. We suggest working with a transgender-competent therapist to deal with your own issues before coming out to your kids. The more comfortable you are with your decision, the easier it will be to answer their questions and support them through your transition.
• How you tell your children is critical. Try to avoid coming out around the holidays or major family events, when there is often extra pressure and expectations. You can have the conversation in a safe space with plenty of time, where the conversation can’t be overheard and where they will feel comfortable continuing the conversation.
• Knowing your kids and the way they process will help you decide just what to say. If you are nervous, you can write it down first or practice with a friend. Come out to them in an age-appropriate way that fits with their personality. It’s best to keep your sentences short and concise to avoid overwhelming them with too much information (such as details about surgeries or hormones). People’s responses will vary – some children will ask a million questions and others will have no reaction at all. Keep in mind that they may not want to talk about it right away or may just want some space to think things over. Regardless of their initial reaction, you can make yourself available for future conversations.
• Many times, this is a traumatic event, in that it changes the way your child sees the world. Throughout the transition, it’s important to acknowledge that this is a process for everyone and that feelings are okay. If possible, you and your spouse/partner (or ex-spouse/ex-partner) should create a united front to support your children through your transition, especially if you are separating or divorcing. Continue to be a responsible, caring parent and remind them that you will love them no matter what. You can also provide your children with transitional objects, such as a letter or card, something they can hold onto to remind them that you will always be their parent.
• Children benefit when you involve them as much as possible. Try to give them advance notice about decisions you are making and how they may impact your appearance, your day-to-day lives, or your family. When possible, make some decisions together. Respect your children’s wishes about how, when, and to whom they come out about you. We encourage you to give them a say about what to call you and how involved you will be in their public lives. If the decisions your child is making about these issues are hard for you, discuss your feelings with other adults, trans parents, or therapists, rather than expecting your child to take care of you.
• Your child may benefit from additional support throughout your transition. You can provide them with options of other supportive adults to talk with, such as a therapist or family friend.  Encourage them to connect with other people with LGBT parents through COLAGE – either locally or through the internet. As a parent, you can help them understand that there is so much difference in the world and everyone is explaining their own difference.  Ultimately, that is the gift of having a transgender parent.

“Worrying only does so much, after which it only sours relations, rots potential, and undermines dreams. Laughter gets you the rest of the way.” – Jonathan F., age 24

“Coming Out To Children.”  Witney, C. From Uncommon Lives, by Catherine Whitney, and Brian Miller’s chapter from Gay and Lesbian Parents, edited by Frederick W. Bozett. http://world.std.com/~ewk/outchil.html

-“Talking to Children About Our Families.” Margie Brickley and Aimee Gelnaw for the Family Equality Council. Topics in this guide include talking to kids about sexual orientation, how LGBTQ families are created, changes that occur within families, gender identity and the larger LGBTQ community and families. http://www.familyequality.org/resources/publications/talkingtochildren.pdf

-“There’s Something I’ve Been Meaning to Tell You.” Macpike, L. True life stories from 25 lesbian and gay parents who have come out to their children. Naiad Press, Tallahassee, 1989.

- “Thoughts on a Father’s Coming Out to His Children.” Buxton, Amity Pierce. GAMMA Newsletter, July/ August, 1998. Available at http://www.ssnetwk.org/reading.shtml.  This article suggests ways for gay fathers to make disclosure to children safe and comfortable for both parents and children from the perspective of a straight, former spouse of a gay father.

-“What Does Gay Mean?” Ponton, Dr. Lynn Published by the National Mental Health Organization. To request a copy call 1-800-969-6642. This booklet discusses how you can talk to kids about sexual orientation. It includes information about different ways to address sexual orientation for different age groups and how to talk about homophobia and discrimination.

Advice and Insight from Folks with  LGBTQ Parents.

My advice to parents is to come out CLEARLY—not once, but several times in different ways. There should be the sit down at home and have a frank talk about it version. (And remember: coming out as a LGBTQ person doesn’t have to include talk about SEX.) Then there should be reminder/check-in discussions, as in “What did you think of that gay character in the movie?” or “What do you want to do for gay pride month?” or “How do you feel about putting this rainbow sticker on the family car?” Just as your coming out process was probably gradual, your kid(s)’ process will take place over a period of time. Being honest in the beginning will save a lot of grief later.  Meema, New York City, NY.

I often hear that children are smart, and can pick up on a lot.  I can vouch, that this is very true.  A few years before my dad came out to me, I suspected that it was true.  Unfortunately, before my dad told me, I had already found a card from a man he had been dating.  My advice to parents in the process of coming out to their kids is the sooner the better.  In your coming out process, be as open and honest as you can.  Make the situation a positive thing in your child’s life.  Be confident in your decisions, and know that your child loves you for you, and not your sexuality. Amber, Lawrence, KS.

When my mum came out to me more than four years ago, I was not upset about it. The idea of having two mums was very exciting and I felt, and still feel, like it was a huge bonus for me. To me it feels like there can’t be anything better than having two mums. I was never upset that my mum was a lesbian, only worried about the difficulties that it would entail. Though I came across some problems at school etc., I feel that my family situation has made me a stronger and better person. Being in the minority has a lot to be said for it, and it really makes you appreciate everything that you have. I’d never change my mums’ sexuality. It’s a blessing. Hannah, United Kingdom

Tell your kids as soon as possible—it’s better that they hear it from you than from anyone else. Also if you have more than one child, try and tell them all at the same time. Otherwise you will put the kids that know in a difficult situation of not telling their siblings. When this happened to me, although I was okay with the idea of having a gay parent, I was uncomfortable with it being a secret. Being as open and honest as possible about your sexual orientation will role model to your kids that difference is not something for which you need to be ashamed. Max, San Francisco, CA.

When my mom came out to me, she just slipped it into a conversation. It felt uncomfortable, awkward and a total surprise. I wish that my mom would have said something like, “I have something that I want to talk to you about.  It might sound surprising and I’m not sure how you will take it. I have had some realizations about my feelings in relationships. I am starting a relationship with a woman and I feel very much in love with her.  Our friendship has been growing for 8 years and we have mutual feelings.  What do you think about what I just said?” Lisa, Portland, OR.

When I was in third grade my mom went to her friend Debbie’s wedding.  When I asked her how it went she told me she had a lot of fun dancing with Kathy… I laughed and said “Duh mom what are you gay?” She said “actually I am.”  This is the first time I really understood what she meant by “I love Kathy” (her partner).  Don’t ask her about it though… she swears that’s not how it happened. Diane, Kingston, Rhode Island

My advice is don’t sweep it under the rug or assume that it doesn’t affect your children because it is simply YOUR identity. In fact, it changes the identity of your entire family and the way in which they see themselves in relationship to other families. Your children will be very sensitive to the homophobic images and comments they are exposed to, and this is not always easy for children to understand or voice, especially when they have not formed their own sexual identities. An additional piece of advice is to never hide your relationships. If your children are raised around out, honest and loving relationships, they will be more likely to enter the world with a strong sense of the legitimacy of their family and personal identity. By being a visible LGBTQ parental presence, you can help affirm the normalcy of your existence for you, your children, and the society in which they will raise their children.  Ava, Wellesley, MA.

You’re in Good Company!

An Introduction to Famous People with LGBTQ Parents

Ever felt like you were the only one with one or more lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and/or queer parent(s)? Not only are there millions of other children, youth and adults who have LGBTQ parents, but some of them are celebrities! This list introduces just a few of the many famous people who have or had one or more LGBTQ parent.

Adrian Hood

Daughter of legendary lesbian folk singer Alix Dobkin. Adrian was born in New York City in 1970 when her mother was still married. And in 1972 her mother came out and her mother’s partner Liza Cowan moved in. Later in 1975 when Adrian was four and a half they moved to the country. They raised a child at a time when parenting was not popular within the lesbian and gay community.

Alexander Aegus (King Alexander IV)

As the son of Alexander the Great, Alexander met an early death at the age of thirteen. As a conse­quence of the time, Alexander Aegus and his mother were killed by Cassader in a statement of revenge and as a power shift. Alexander’s father was known to have a great love for his male lover Hephasteian, who after his death was shortly followed to his grave by Alexander the Great.

Alexandra Elizabeth “Ally” Sheedy (Actor)

The daughter of marketing executive John Sheedy and a lesbian literary agent Charlotte, Ally began making TV com­mercials and appearing on stage at age 15. She published a children’s book, She Was Nice to Mice. She has also been published in periodicals such as The New York Times. After high school, the New York-born Sheedy headed west to the University of California where, in addition to her studies, she also appeared in television films. At age 21, she began her feature-film career playing adoles­cent girls in films such as Bad Boys and War Games. She joined the notorious “Brat Pack” in 1985 after appearing in John Hughes’ The Breakfast Club. Some of Ally’s other Rim Highlights include St. Elmo’s Fire, Short Circuit, Chantilly Lace and High Art. She is married to actor David Lansbury, stepson of actress Angela Lansbury, and they have a daughter, Rebecca, born in 1994.

“I never thought to myself, I’m going to grow up and fall in love with a man or I’m going to fall in love with a woman because my mother is a lesbian.”

Alison Bechdel (Comic artist)

Alison Bechdel is best known for her long-running comic strip Dykes To Watch Out For. She grew up in rural Pennsylvania and is the queer daughter of a gay father. She has published 10 books of Dykes To Watch Out For and has won four Lambda Literary Awards for Humor.

Anne Heche (actress)

Born in Ohio, she moved 11 times before she was 12. Her father was a fundamentalist church organist who admitted to being gay after he was diagnosed with AIDS. She supported her mother, two sisters and a brother by acting in a dinner theater in Atlantic City. Beginning with a long-standing Emmy Award ­winning role in the soap opera Another World, Anne Heche moved on to a career in film including Donnie Brasco, Volcano, and Wag The Dog.

Charles I of England (1625 King of England)

Son of a gay father James I of England who also had a gay grandfather Lord Damly. He famously engaged in a struggle for power with the Parliament of England. He is also the only person to be canonized by the Church of England after the English Reformation.

Corin Redgrave (Actor)

British stage and film actor Corin Redgrave is the son of theatrical luminaries Michael Redgrave who hap­pened to be bisexual and Rachel Kempson, and the brother of actors Vanessa and Lynn Redgrave (also profiled in this resource). He first embarked upon acting while attending Cam­bridge, acting in productions staged by the Marlowe Society. He made his professional stage debut in 1963, and appeared in his first film in 1966, playing William Roper in the Oscar-winning film A Man for All Seasons. Among his myriad of stage credits was Alan Ayckbourn’s comic trilogy The Norman Con­quests, in which he starred as the bed-hopping Norman. Easing comfortably into character roles in his fifties, Corin Redgrave starred as Hamish in the runaway movie hit 4 Weddings and a Funeral in 1993.

50 Cent (aka Curtis Jackson) (Hip-hop Artist)

Born into a notorious Queens drug dynasty during the late ’70s, 50 Cent lost those closest to him at an early age. Raised without a father, 50′s mother, who was bisexual but also involved in drugs was found dead under mysterious circumstances before he reached his teens. The orphaned youth was taken in by his grandparents, who provided for 50. After living a dangerous and notorious street life during his teens, the birth of his son put things in perspective for the post adolescent, and 50 began to pursue rap seriously. He signed to Columbia Records in 1999 where a first recording session turned out 36 songs in a short period, which resulted in “Power Of A Dollar,” an unreleased masterpiece that Blaze Magazine judged a classic. Later mentored by Eminem and Dr. Dre, 50 Cent became one of the most well-known rap artists of the recent past.

“I talk about my moms kissing a girl. Really, I don’t know to what extent she was a lesbian. I did see something that was a little awkward… I was eight years old when my mama passed, so how much information would I have about that, honestly?”

Cyril and Vyvyan Wilde (Authors)

These brothers were the children of Oscar Wilde. Vyvyan went on to write several favorable books about his father including Son of Oscar Wilde and A Pictorial Biography of Oscar Wilde.

Daniela Sea (Actress, musician)

At the age of 3, Daniela’s father came out as gay. She has played guitar in the band Gr’ups, traveled around the world, and played the role of Moira/Max on The L Word. Daniela identifies as queer and genderqueer herself, and is about to perform in her first feature film.

“My dad’s gay, and I was going to gay pride marches since I was a baby, and there was never a question of not being out.  He taught me to be self-determined and to listen to my heart. I think my parents raised me as an empowered person.” (EDGE Magazine)

Dorothy Dandridge (Actress, singer, dancer)

African American actress, singer, dancer Dorothy Dandridge, the daughter of lesbian stage and screen actress Ruby Dandridge, began performing profes­sionally in the song-and-dance duo “The Wonder Children” with her sister Vivian at age four; they toured parts of the South, performing at churches, schools, and social gatherings. In the 1930s her family relocated to Los Angeles. Dorothy performed in the Marx brother’s comedy A Day at the Races, in the group the Dandridge Sisters, the film Going Places, and Sun Valley Serenade. After her marriage to Harold Nicholas, she put her career on hold for a while, but the birth of a severely brain-damaged daughter strained her marriage and it soon ended in divorce. After that she put most of her energy into her career and went on to appear in Tarzan’s Peril and Carmen Jones for which she received a “Best Actress” Oscar nomination, becoming the first black woman to do so. Three years went by before her next role, in Islands in the Sun, in which she again made history by being the first black actress cast romantically with a white actor in a film.

Edward III (King of England, 1327)

Son of Isabella and Edward II. In 1327 Edward II was deposed and brutally murdered by his mother Isabella and her lover, Roger Mortimer. So at fifteen, Edward III became king of England, a puppet king until just three years later, he asserted his independence, had Mortimer executed, and sent his scheming mother into retirement.

Elizabeth Lorde-Rollins (poet)

The daughter of feminist, lesbian poet Audre Lorde, Elizabeth followed in her mother footsteps and her work can be found in the book The Arc of Love: An Anthology of Lesbian Love Poems.

Faustina

Daughter of High renaissance Italian painter, II Sodoma, Faustina went on to marry one of her father’s former boyfriends.

J.I. Ackerley (Author, editor)

Not only did Ackerley’s father have a secret hidden family, but also it was later discovered that his father was the “kept” lover of a German Count. As a sec­ond-generation gay man, Ackerly wrote the play, The Prisoners and the books My Father & Myself and My Dog Tulip and We Think the World of You.

James C. Hormel Jr.

In 1999, James (along with his brother and sisters) played a vital role in getting his gay father appointed to the position of Am­bassador to Luxembourg. When the Republican Congress was holding the appointment, James came to the aid of his father with a large series of op-ed articles and interviews. The articles appeared across the country and described what it was like to have a gay father and that Congress’s discrimination not only affected his father but the entire family.

‘While I was growing up, my father never tried to influence my sexuality in any way. What he did teach me was kindness, acceptance of others, honesty, self-esteem, and standing up for what you believe.” (Pacific News Service)

James I of England (James V of Scotland)

Son of Mary, Queen of Scots (1542-1587) had a gay father, Lord Darnly and was also gay himself.

Jamie Anne Maria, Alexander Serge Leonard, & Nina Maria Felicia

Children of Chilean-born actress Felicia Montealegre Cohn and Leonard Bernstein, the first gay American musician to achieve worldwide recognition; known as a conductor, composer, pianist, author and teacher.

Jena Malone (Actress)

Jena has appeared in such movies as Saved, Stepmom, Hope (A TV movie) and Bastard Out of Carolina. These have won her a Golden Globe nomination, an Independent Spirit Award in 1997 for Best Debut Performance and a SAG Award in 1997 for Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a TV Movie or Miniseries. Jena was born in Lake Tahoe, Nevada and moved to Southern California. Her mother was active in community theater so Jena got very comfortable around the theater at an early age. Until age 10, Malone lived in Lake Tahoe, Nev., raised by two moms. Then her birth mother broke up with her lover and became a born-again Christian. Legally emancipated since 2000, Malone says she is close to her large extended family, which includes four brothers and two sisters.

Jodie Foster (Actress, producer, director)

Born Alicia Christian Foster, on November 19, 1962, in Los Angeles, California. Foster’s father, Lieutenant-Colonel Lucius Fisher Foster III, a former Battle of Britain fighter and one of the most highly decorated fliers in the US Airforce, left the family before she was born. Her lesbian mother, Evelyn “Brandy”, supported herself and her four children by working for a film producer. Jodie has three siblings Lucinda, Constance and Buddy. She and her three older siblings grew up with “two mothers”—Brandy and her live-in lover, Josephine Dominguez, known affectionately as Aunt Jo. Although she was christened Alicia Christian, Foster was called Jodie by the family, after Jo D. Foster played a breakthrough role of a teenage prostitute in Taxi Driver and since then has shined on the screen in such movies as The Accused (for which she won an Oscar), Little Man Tate, The Silence of the Lambs (for which she won another Oscar), Contact, Nell and Anna and the King. Not only known as one of the most influential women in Hollywood, Foster has a long list of awards for her work behind the scenes as director. She lives in the San Fernando Valley with her son, Charles, who was born on July 20,1998. Jodi also just came out in Jan 2013 as a lesbian which makes her 2^nd Gen!

Joe Valentine (Baseball Player)

Joe is a baseball pitcher for the Houston Astros. In 1997 he graduated from Deer Park (NY) High School and went on to play. baseball at Jefferson Davis Community College in Brewton, AL. At JDCC, Joe was named to the NJCAA All-Region XXII squad after going 8-1, 2.56 with 7 saves. Valentine, from Long Island, N.Y., was the subject of a lengthy article in Newsday about being raised by two lesbians, Deb Valentine (his biological mom) and Doreen Price, who raised him since his birth in Las Vegas in 1979. The couple has been together for 30 years. Joe never knew his dad and he has grown up a supportive son who loves the two women who raised him.

“It’s no different than having a mother and father. These are the two women who raised me, and they are wonderful people. It’s just not a big deal to me. Why should it be?”  (Outsports.com)

Joely Richardson (Actress)

Joely is the daughter of award winning actress Vanessa Redgrave, and bisexual film director Tony Richardson who also had a bisexual grandfather (Sir Michael Redgrave). Joely Richardson is a Golden Globe nominated actress who has a long film and stage career.

Judy Garland (Gumm) (Actress)

Entertainer Judy Garland, granddaughter of a gay businessman was both one of the greatest and one of the most tragic figures in American show business. Judy had roles and performed in Pigskin Parade Broadway Melody of 1938, Listen Darling (1938), and so on. When MGM planned to star 20th Century­Fox’s Shirley Temple in The Wizard of Oz, Garland almost didn’t get her most celebrated role, but the deal fell through and Garland was cast as Dorothy. Even after this, the actress nearly lost out on her definitive screen moment when the studio decided to cut the song “Over the Rainbow”, finally keeping the number after it tested well in previews. The Wizard of Oz made Garland a star. In 1945 she married director Vincente Minnelli, with whom she had a daughter, Liza, in 1946. Garland and Vincente Minnelli divorced in 1951, whereupon she married Sid Luft. On June 22, 1969, the day of the Stonewall Rebellion, Judy Garland was found dead in her London apartment, the victim of an ostensibly accidental overdose of barbiturates.

Kaitlin Colombo (Comic)

A comedienne who made her professional debut in her teens, Kaitlin grew up in Southern California with her single, gay father. She became more widely known as a contestant on the Last Comic Standing and MTV’s the Reality Show.

Katharine Symonds Furse (Government official)

Katharine and her three sisters were the children of famed gay English essayist and historian John Addington Symonds (1840-1893). Born in Clifton, Bristol, young Katharine spent most of her childhood in Davos, Switzerland where Symonds had relocated the family in search of a better climate for his tuberculosis. In 1900 she married the painter, Charles W. Furse who also suffered from tuberculosis. They had two sons, Peter and John Paul. 1875 Katherine led the first VAD (Vol­untary Aid Detachment) Corps to France October 1914, headed the British Red Cross Women’s VAD Department, served as a Commandant in Chief of the Joint Women’s VAD Department 1916 and became the first head of the Women’s Royal Naval Service (WRENS) in 1917. She remained the head of the WRENS until they were demobilized in 1919. After the war, Katharine Furse continued her pioneering work in women’s service. She worked closely for years with the Girl Guides and for ten years was Director of the World Association of Girl Guides and Girl Scouts.

Klaus Mann (Author)

Famous German author of the novel “Mefisto” (made into a film), gay himself, he was the son of even more famous novelist Tho­mas Mann (“Budenbrooks”, “Magic Mountain”), who openly wrote about his own homosexuality in his secret diaries.

Kyra Nijinsky (Dancer)

Daughter of gay Russian dancer Vaslav Nijinsky, Kyra starred in She Dances Alone. As the leading charac­ter in the semi-documentary psychograph, Kyra reflected on the phenomenon and the tragic destiny of her father, the Russian choreographer and ballet dancer Vaslav Nijinsky.

Lynn Redgrave (Actress)

Lynn, best known for her roles in Shine, God’s and Monsters and Georgy Girl is the daughter of distin­guished bisexual actor Sir Michael Redgrave and sister of Vanessa. Lynn Redgrave has made significant contributions to her illustrious family’s five generation long reputation for producing fine British actors. The London-born Lynn studied acting at the Central School of Music and Drama. She first appeared on stage in a 1962 pro­duction of A Midsummer Night’s Dream at the Royal Court Theatre. She was next invited by Sir Laurence Olivier to become on of the first members in Britain’s National Theatre. There she appeared in Hamlet as well as in many other prestigious Productions. In the late 1990s, Redgrave staged a successful one-­woman show, Shakespeare for My Father.

Malcolm Stevenson “Steve” Forbes Jr. (CEO and Publisher)

Born July 18, 1947, is the son of gay father Malcolm Stevenson Forbes Sr. and the editor-in-chief of business magazine Forbes as well as president and chief executive officer of its publisher, Forbes Inc. He was a candidate in the U.S. Presidential primaries in 1996 and 2000.  His brothers Christopher, Robert and Timothy Forbes have all long worked for the magazine or at least the parent company.

Mary Godwin Wolistoncraft Shelley (Author)

Daughter of Mary Wollstonecraft, a lesbian author who wrote Vindication of the Rights of Man. Mary Godwin Wollstonecraft went on to marry poet Percy Bysshe Shelley, and more importantly went on to write Frankenstein.

Minnie Hall

The adopted daughter of Tammany Hall politician, and bail bondsman Murray Hall. Minnie’s father, a confident of State Senator Barney Martin was found to be actually Mary Anderson after his death in 1901. Murray Hall died from breast cancer, which was not diagnosed because of his fear of discovery.

Natasha Richardson (Actress)

Stage and screen performer who is the daughter of award winning actress Vanessa Redgrave, and bisexual film director Tony Richardson and also had a bisexual grandfather (Sir Michael Redgrave). Natasha lost her father, director Tony Richardson, to AIDS in 1991. Since her father’s death she’s taken a hands-on role in AIDS work, including organizing the American Foundation for AIDS Research’s hugely successful auction of Oscar dresses last year. Married to fellow actor Liam Neesom, Natasha is a mother of two sons.

“When I was about 10 or 11 I said to my mother, ‘Is my papa gay?’ She said yes, and I remember being very upset by that. I’m not sure quite why. There’s the social stigma when you’re in school … and I guess at the time you think your parents are gods. I guess, because of the world I’ve been brought up in, I just don’t categorize people. I don’t think, oh, that’s a bisexual person, that’s a gay person, that’s a straight person.”(From Playbill magazine).

Nicole Bobek (Ice skater)

Know for an outgoing personality on the ice and unusual grace and artistry, Nicole Bobek grew up in Chicago, with her lesbian mother, Jana Bobek who skated in minor competitions in her youth in her native Czechoslovakia. Nicole was put into skates at age 31/2 and Jana guided her daughter’s progress for a while, then put her into a class. Nicole was the 1995 United States skating champion and a Bronze medal at the World Level.

Nigel Nicolson (Author)

Nicolson wrote Portrait of a Marriage. In the book Nicholson writes of the marriage of his famous parents, the author Vita Sackville-West (who was Virginia Woolf’s longtime lover) and author, politician and diarist, Harold Nicolson, also a bisexual.

Noriko and Iichiro Mishima

Children of Yoko Suqiyama (eldest daughter of Japanese painter Yasushi Sugiyama) and gay author Yukio Mishima, the most spectacu­larly talented young writer to emerge in Japan after World War II. Their father at the peak of a brilliant literary career and at the age of forty-five committed the ritual suicide called Seppuku on November 25, 1970.

Orenthal James (OJ) Simpson (Athlete and actor)

Considered one of the greatest running backs in American football history, OJ in the early 1990′s became a household name that sparked conversations across the United States on race, wealth, and fame. He was born near San Francisco at StanfordUniversityHospital on 9 July 1947, the son of Jimmie and Eunice Durden Simpson. Simpson’s father, a well-known San Francisco drag queen, died of AIDS in 1986.  In June of 1994, Nicole Brown and Ronald Goldman were found brutally murdered, Simpson was charged with the two murders but found not guilty in criminal court though later convicted in civil court of their murders.

Rebecca Walker (Author, activist)

Rebecca is the daughter of lesbian author, Alice Walker and is the co-founder of the Third Wave, a small feminist organization that began in 1992. She recently wrote “To Be Real: Telling the Truth and Changing the Face of Feminism. Her mother is known for such novels as The Color Purple.

Rene Russo (Actress)

Born in 1954, Rene Russo grew up on the wrong side of the tracks in Burbank, a Los Angeles suburb. Her father, a sculptor and mechanic, left the family when Rene was just two, leaving her mother, Shirley, as a single lesbian mom with two daughters. (Rene has one sister, named Toni). As a 17 year old, Rene was discovered suddenly and within a few months, she had signed a contract with Ford Modeling Agency and within a year had become a successful print and photographer model. Her television series debut came in 1987 with a supporting part on the short-lived TV series “Sable.” Some of her most notable film appearances include Major League, Ransom, The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle, and as an internal affairs detective in Lethal Weapon 3. Rene Russo has been praised for her ability to hold her own against her major male co-stars. Rene Russo has been married to screenwriter Dan Gilroy since 1992, and they have one daughter, named Rose.

“When I was born—oh I am going to cry—my dad left and it was women in my life that were gay that raised me and that helped me and nurtured me.” (On ABC’s Good Morning America)

Vanessa Redgrave (Actress)

Vanessa, known for her roles in The Trojan Women, Mary Queen of Scots, Howards End, Wilde and Deep Impact, is the daughter of distinguished bisexual actor Sir Michael Redgrave. Vanessa Redgrave is widely regarded as one of Great Britain’s finest modern dramatic actresses. Born January 30, 1937 in London, Redgrave studied drama at London’s Central School of Music and Dance. She made her theatrical debut in 1957 and her film debut the following year in the dreadful Behind the Mask, which also starred her father. She had two children; Joely and Natasha Richardson, by bisexual director Tony Richardson, and in 1969 had a child by her Camelot co-star Franco Nero. Redgrave won an Oscar for best supporting actress for her role in Julia (1977).

ACLU Lesbian and Gay Rights Project: www.aclu.org/lgbt/index.html

Al Fatiha Foundation: Support for LGBTQ Muslims. www.al-fatiha.org

Center Link: A great national resource to find the LGBTQ Center closest to you www.LGBTcenters.org.

Class Action is an organization that inspires action to end classism. Their website has resources, both online and print, on classism in the US: www.classism.org

Color Lines Magazine is the national newsmagazine on race and politics. They have many articles about race and current affairs in the US.  http://www.colorlines.com/

Family Equality Council: Family Equality Council advocates for family equality nationwide.  www.familyequality.org

Fat! So? Resources around body acceptance and sizism include a website, book, and many links to other resources. http://www.fatso.com/

Gayellow Pages or Lavender Pages (LGBTQ phone books): www.gayellowpages.com

Gender Odyssey: An international conference focused on the needs and interests of transgender and gender non-conforming people, with specific programming for families. www.genderodyssey.org

GLAAD: Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation: A great resource especially for finding gay-friendly media in your area.  www.glaad.org

Human Rights Campaign Family Project: Provides resources, articles, and information that are pertinent to LGBTQ families. www.hrc.org/issues/parenting/10475.htm

Lambda Legal Defense and Education Fund: Legal resources for the LGBTQ community. www.lambdalegal.org

Local Gay Parenting Groups: There are local groups for LGBTQ parents across the country. Here is a list of LGBTQ parents’ groups state-by state: www.familyequality.org/action/parentsgroups.html.

Metropolitan Community Churches: MCC Churches work with the LGBTQ community. They are a great resource to connect with and have provided meeting space in the past. www.mccchurch.org

North American Council on Adoptable Children: Adoptive rights organization that has great resources surrounding the rights of transnationally and transracially adopted children. www.nacac.org

National Black Justice Coalition: a civil rights organization dedicated to empowering Black same-gender-loving, lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people.  www.nbjcoalition.org

National Center for Lesbian Rights: Legal resources and referrals.  www.nclrights.org

National Gay and Lesbian Task Force: www.thetaskforce.org

National Queer Asian Pacific Islander Alliance: www.nqapia.org

Our Families is a community-based education project that raised the visibility, experiences and public support of LGBT families of color within predominantly straight communities of color www.basicrights.org/ourfamilies/

PFLAG (Parents, Friends, and Family of Lesbians and Gays): PFLAG has chapters across the world, many of whom provide programming for youth with LGBTQ parents.  www.pflag.org

Safe Schools Coalition: based in Washington State, maintains a website filled with resources, organizations, curriculum and more that help builds safer schools for all youth. http://www.safeschoolscoalition.org/

Straight Spouse Network: www.straightspouse.org

Teaching Tolerance. This website has activities and curriculum on a broad level of topics and categorized for different aged groups.  www.tolerance.org

Unid@s: National Latina/o LGBT Human Rights Organization. www.unidoslgbt.com

Unitarian Office of Bisexual, Gay, Lesbian & Transgender Concerns: www.uua.org/obgltc

World Congress of Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual Jewish Organizations: www.glbtjews.org

Advocates for Youth: Helps young people make informed and responsible decisions about their reproductive and sexual health. www.advocatesforyouth.org

Camp Ten Trees: Pacific Northwest summer camp with sessions for youth from LGBTQ families. www.camptentrees.org

Community Network for Youth Development is based in the Bay Area although their website has resources about youth programming for after school programs which can be educational for anyone who works with young people. http://www.cnyd.org/trainingtools/index.php

Families Like Mine: www.familieslikemine.com

Fierce: Building the leadership and power of LGBTQ youth of color. www.fiercenyc.org

Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders (GLAD): www.glad.org

Gay, Lesbian, Straight Education Network (GLSEN): Works to create safe schools for LGBTQ people. www.glsen.org

Gay-Straight Alliance Network: Works to empower youth activists to make change in schools. Their website has resources for running groups that may be helpful to your chapter. www.gsanetwork.org

KASA- Kids As Self Advocates. A national project by and for youth with disabilities. http://www.fvkasa.org/

National Youth Advocacy Coalition: Primarily supports LGBTQ youth though their website; has many organizing tools and resources.  www.nyacyouth.org

National Youth Development Information Center. This group provides resources youth workers about funding, programming, research, policy, job and training opportunities. http://www.nydic.org/nydic/index.html

National Youth Leadership Network: Only national youth-led organization that works to build power among people with disabilities. www.nyln.org

National Youth Rights Association is a youth led organization that challenges age discrimination. Their website has papers, articles and resources about youth leadership and ageism. http://www.youthrights.org/

To Participate or Not to

Participate?

Tips for youth deciding whether or not to volunteer for research studies

As the child of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or queer (LGBTQ) parent(s), you may be invited to participate in a range of research studies aimed to understand the experiences, perspectives, and functioning of youth with LGBTQ parents. These studies may be conducted by high school students, college students, graduate students, or PhD (doctoral) level researchers and scholars, and may be helpful for advancing understanding and knowledge of our families. However, before deciding whether you wish to participate in such studies, it is worth asking the researcher the following questions:

1. What is your personal motivation for conducting this study? Do you have any ties to the LGBTQ community yourself/Are you a COLAGEr? As a potential research participant, you have the right to inquire about the researcher’s reasons for conducting this study, what initially interested them in the topic, what their beliefs are regarding LGBTQ parenting, and so on. Depending on the researcher’s response, you may feel more or less comfortable with participating. For example, if the researcher is a COLAGEr themselves, this suggests that they have some insider knowledge about what they are studying, and are probably motivated by a desire to better understand and share the experiences of other COLAGErs.
2. What are your major research questions? What are you hoping to find out with this study? You may wish to inquire about the topic(s) that the researcher is studying, and what questions the researcher will be asking you if you participate, in order to determine whether you feel comfortable with the types of questions that you would be asked. If any of their responses make you uncomfortable for any reason, you have the right to tell them.
3. What is your affiliation? (Who do you work for, if anyone?) It is a good idea to find out what school, organization, or university the researcher is affiliated with. This way, you can “google” (or research) both the individual and their institution to ensure that neither have taken an explicitly negative or anti-affirming stance with regard to LGBTQ parenting.
4. How will the information I provide be used? It is a good idea to find out how, if at all, the information that you provide will be used. That is, does the researcher plan to present the information or “data” that they gather to a wider audience? (e.g., students, researchers, etc.) Do they plan to publish the information in a journal article or book format? There are benefits to working with a researcher who intends to publish their material. For example, it means that the information you provide may be communicated to a larger audience with the goal of educating and informing that audience about the realities of LGBTQ-parent families and the children in these families. However, if the information that you provide will be shared with a broader audience, it is important to ensure that the information that you provide will be de-identified; that is, that identifying details (your name, and other details that could potentially identify you) will be changed in final publications and reports. If they are doing their research at an undergraduate level, it is not likely that the research will have a broad impact, although it may educate the student themselves and potentially their teacher/s and or classmates.
5. What are my rights in the research process? As described above, it is important to find out whether your information will remain confidential—that is, you should ensure that your name and other identifying details will not be linked to the information you provide in any way. Additionally, it is important to make sure that the research that you will participate in has been approved by the researcher’s institution’s Institutional Review Board. It is the job of Institutional Review Boards (or IRBs, as they are sometimes called) to review the studies that are being conducted by the students, faculty, and employees of the institution to ensure that the rights of study participants (i.e., you) are protected. Do not participate in any study that does not have IRB approval. If the researcher has IRB approval, and you decide to participate in the researcher’s study, you should receive something (which you will be requested to sign) called an “Informed Consent” form. This form details your rights in the research process, and also provides you with the telephone number of the IRB should you have questions or concerns about the research in which you participated, or your rights in the research process.
6. Will you be sharing your findings with research participants? Can I get a copy of the final paper/report/etc.? You may wish to ask the researcher whether they will be sharing the findings of their study with the people who participated in it. Likewise, you may wish to find out whether they are willing to mail or email participants copies of final papers, published reports, or any research summaries that they compile.

After asking the researcher the above questions, or any others you may have, you should only participate if you feel comfortable. Research studies are completely voluntary, which means you should not feel pressured to participate. You may also end your participation at any time once you start. If you start an interview or a survey but do not feel comfortable answering the questions or for other reasons no longer wish to participate, that is your decision. Only YOU know what’s important and feels comfortable to YOU!

You can also turn to COLAGE for help or advice regarding your participation in research studies. If you have any questions about a research study before, during, or after you participate, feel free to contact a member of the COLAGE staff.