You’re in Good Company!

An Introduction to Famous People with LGBTQ Parents

Ever felt like you were the only one with one or more lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and/or queer parent(s)? Not only are there millions of other children, youth and adults who have LGBTQ parents, but some of them are celebrities! This list introduces just a few of the many famous people who have or had one or more LGBTQ parent.

Adrian Hood

Daughter of legendary lesbian folk singer Alix Dobkin. Adrian was born in New York City in 1970 when her mother was still married. And in 1972 her mother came out and her mother’s partner Liza Cowan moved in. Later in 1975 when Adrian was four and a half they moved to the country. They raised a child at a time when parenting was not popular within the lesbian and gay community.

Alexander Aegus (King Alexander IV)

As the son of Alexander the Great, Alexander met an early death at the age of thirteen. As a conse­quence of the time, Alexander Aegus and his mother were killed by Cassader in a statement of revenge and as a power shift. Alexander’s father was known to have a great love for his male lover Hephasteian, who after his death was shortly followed to his grave by Alexander the Great.

Alexandra Elizabeth “Ally” Sheedy (Actor)

The daughter of marketing executive John Sheedy and a lesbian literary agent Charlotte, Ally began making TV com­mercials and appearing on stage at age 15. She published a children’s book, She Was Nice to Mice. She has also been published in periodicals such as The New York Times. After high school, the New York-born Sheedy headed west to the University of California where, in addition to her studies, she also appeared in television films. At age 21, she began her feature-film career playing adoles­cent girls in films such as Bad Boys and War Games. She joined the notorious “Brat Pack” in 1985 after appearing in John Hughes’ The Breakfast Club. Some of Ally’s other Rim Highlights include St. Elmo’s Fire, Short Circuit, Chantilly Lace and High Art. She is married to actor David Lansbury, stepson of actress Angela Lansbury, and they have a daughter, Rebecca, born in 1994.

“I never thought to myself, I’m going to grow up and fall in love with a man or I’m going to fall in love with a woman because my mother is a lesbian.”

Alison Bechdel (Comic artist)

Alison Bechdel is best known for her long-running comic strip Dykes To Watch Out For. She grew up in rural Pennsylvania and is the queer daughter of a gay father. She has published 10 books of Dykes To Watch Out For and has won four Lambda Literary Awards for Humor.

Anne Heche (actress)

Born in Ohio, she moved 11 times before she was 12. Her father was a fundamentalist church organist who admitted to being gay after he was diagnosed with AIDS. She supported her mother, two sisters and a brother by acting in a dinner theater in Atlantic City. Beginning with a long-standing Emmy Award ­winning role in the soap opera Another World, Anne Heche moved on to a career in film including Donnie Brasco, Volcano, and Wag The Dog.

Charles I of England (1625 King of England)

Son of a gay father James I of England who also had a gay grandfather Lord Damly. He famously engaged in a struggle for power with the Parliament of England. He is also the only person to be canonized by the Church of England after the English Reformation.

Corin Redgrave (Actor)

British stage and film actor Corin Redgrave is the son of theatrical luminaries Michael Redgrave who hap­pened to be bisexual and Rachel Kempson, and the brother of actors Vanessa and Lynn Redgrave (also profiled in this resource). He first embarked upon acting while attending Cam­bridge, acting in productions staged by the Marlowe Society. He made his professional stage debut in 1963, and appeared in his first film in 1966, playing William Roper in the Oscar-winning film A Man for All Seasons. Among his myriad of stage credits was Alan Ayckbourn’s comic trilogy The Norman Con­quests, in which he starred as the bed-hopping Norman. Easing comfortably into character roles in his fifties, Corin Redgrave starred as Hamish in the runaway movie hit 4 Weddings and a Funeral in 1993.

50 Cent (aka Curtis Jackson) (Hip-hop Artist)

Born into a notorious Queens drug dynasty during the late ’70s, 50 Cent lost those closest to him at an early age. Raised without a father, 50′s mother, who was bisexual but also involved in drugs was found dead under mysterious circumstances before he reached his teens. The orphaned youth was taken in by his grandparents, who provided for 50. After living a dangerous and notorious street life during his teens, the birth of his son put things in perspective for the post adolescent, and 50 began to pursue rap seriously. He signed to Columbia Records in 1999 where a first recording session turned out 36 songs in a short period, which resulted in “Power Of A Dollar,” an unreleased masterpiece that Blaze Magazine judged a classic. Later mentored by Eminem and Dr. Dre, 50 Cent became one of the most well-known rap artists of the recent past.

“I talk about my moms kissing a girl. Really, I don’t know to what extent she was a lesbian. I did see something that was a little awkward… I was eight years old when my mama passed, so how much information would I have about that, honestly?”

Cyril and Vyvyan Wilde (Authors)

These brothers were the children of Oscar Wilde. Vyvyan went on to write several favorable books about his father including Son of Oscar Wilde and A Pictorial Biography of Oscar Wilde.

Daniela Sea (Actress, musician)

At the age of 3, Daniela’s father came out as gay. She has played guitar in the band Gr’ups, traveled around the world, and played the role of Moira/Max on The L Word. Daniela identifies as queer and genderqueer herself, and is about to perform in her first feature film.

“My dad’s gay, and I was going to gay pride marches since I was a baby, and there was never a question of not being out.  He taught me to be self-determined and to listen to my heart. I think my parents raised me as an empowered person.” (EDGE Magazine)

Dorothy Dandridge (Actress, singer, dancer)

African American actress, singer, dancer Dorothy Dandridge, the daughter of lesbian stage and screen actress Ruby Dandridge, began performing profes­sionally in the song-and-dance duo “The Wonder Children” with her sister Vivian at age four; they toured parts of the South, performing at churches, schools, and social gatherings. In the 1930s her family relocated to Los Angeles. Dorothy performed in the Marx brother’s comedy A Day at the Races, in the group the Dandridge Sisters, the film Going Places, and Sun Valley Serenade. After her marriage to Harold Nicholas, she put her career on hold for a while, but the birth of a severely brain-damaged daughter strained her marriage and it soon ended in divorce. After that she put most of her energy into her career and went on to appear in Tarzan’s Peril and Carmen Jones for which she received a “Best Actress” Oscar nomination, becoming the first black woman to do so. Three years went by before her next role, in Islands in the Sun, in which she again made history by being the first black actress cast romantically with a white actor in a film.

Edward III (King of England, 1327)

Son of Isabella and Edward II. In 1327 Edward II was deposed and brutally murdered by his mother Isabella and her lover, Roger Mortimer. So at fifteen, Edward III became king of England, a puppet king until just three years later, he asserted his independence, had Mortimer executed, and sent his scheming mother into retirement.

Elizabeth Lorde-Rollins (poet)

The daughter of feminist, lesbian poet Audre Lorde, Elizabeth followed in her mother footsteps and her work can be found in the book The Arc of Love: An Anthology of Lesbian Love Poems.

Faustina

Daughter of High renaissance Italian painter, II Sodoma, Faustina went on to marry one of her father’s former boyfriends.

J.I. Ackerley (Author, editor)

Not only did Ackerley’s father have a secret hidden family, but also it was later discovered that his father was the “kept” lover of a German Count. As a sec­ond-generation gay man, Ackerly wrote the play, The Prisoners and the books My Father & Myself and My Dog Tulip and We Think the World of You.

James C. Hormel Jr.

In 1999, James (along with his brother and sisters) played a vital role in getting his gay father appointed to the position of Am­bassador to Luxembourg. When the Republican Congress was holding the appointment, James came to the aid of his father with a large series of op-ed articles and interviews. The articles appeared across the country and described what it was like to have a gay father and that Congress’s discrimination not only affected his father but the entire family.

‘While I was growing up, my father never tried to influence my sexuality in any way. What he did teach me was kindness, acceptance of others, honesty, self-esteem, and standing up for what you believe.” (Pacific News Service)

James I of England (James V of Scotland)

Son of Mary, Queen of Scots (1542-1587) had a gay father, Lord Darnly and was also gay himself.

Jamie Anne Maria, Alexander Serge Leonard, & Nina Maria Felicia

Children of Chilean-born actress Felicia Montealegre Cohn and Leonard Bernstein, the first gay American musician to achieve worldwide recognition; known as a conductor, composer, pianist, author and teacher.

Jena Malone (Actress)

Jena has appeared in such movies as Saved, Stepmom, Hope (A TV movie) and Bastard Out of Carolina. These have won her a Golden Globe nomination, an Independent Spirit Award in 1997 for Best Debut Performance and a SAG Award in 1997 for Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a TV Movie or Miniseries. Jena was born in Lake Tahoe, Nevada and moved to Southern California. Her mother was active in community theater so Jena got very comfortable around the theater at an early age. Until age 10, Malone lived in Lake Tahoe, Nev., raised by two moms. Then her birth mother broke up with her lover and became a born-again Christian. Legally emancipated since 2000, Malone says she is close to her large extended family, which includes four brothers and two sisters.

Jodie Foster (Actress, producer, director)

Born Alicia Christian Foster, on November 19, 1962, in Los Angeles, California. Foster’s father, Lieutenant-Colonel Lucius Fisher Foster III, a former Battle of Britain fighter and one of the most highly decorated fliers in the US Airforce, left the family before she was born. Her lesbian mother, Evelyn “Brandy”, supported herself and her four children by working for a film producer. Jodie has three siblings Lucinda, Constance and Buddy. She and her three older siblings grew up with “two mothers”—Brandy and her live-in lover, Josephine Dominguez, known affectionately as Aunt Jo. Although she was christened Alicia Christian, Foster was called Jodie by the family, after Jo D. Foster played a breakthrough role of a teenage prostitute in Taxi Driver and since then has shined on the screen in such movies as The Accused (for which she won an Oscar), Little Man Tate, The Silence of the Lambs (for which she won another Oscar), Contact, Nell and Anna and the King. Not only known as one of the most influential women in Hollywood, Foster has a long list of awards for her work behind the scenes as director. She lives in the San Fernando Valley with her son, Charles, who was born on July 20,1998. Jodi also just came out in Jan 2013 as a lesbian which makes her 2^nd Gen!

Joe Valentine (Baseball Player)

Joe is a baseball pitcher for the Houston Astros. In 1997 he graduated from Deer Park (NY) High School and went on to play. baseball at Jefferson Davis Community College in Brewton, AL. At JDCC, Joe was named to the NJCAA All-Region XXII squad after going 8-1, 2.56 with 7 saves. Valentine, from Long Island, N.Y., was the subject of a lengthy article in Newsday about being raised by two lesbians, Deb Valentine (his biological mom) and Doreen Price, who raised him since his birth in Las Vegas in 1979. The couple has been together for 30 years. Joe never knew his dad and he has grown up a supportive son who loves the two women who raised him.

“It’s no different than having a mother and father. These are the two women who raised me, and they are wonderful people. It’s just not a big deal to me. Why should it be?”  (Outsports.com)

Joely Richardson (Actress)

Joely is the daughter of award winning actress Vanessa Redgrave, and bisexual film director Tony Richardson who also had a bisexual grandfather (Sir Michael Redgrave). Joely Richardson is a Golden Globe nominated actress who has a long film and stage career.

Judy Garland (Gumm) (Actress)

Entertainer Judy Garland, granddaughter of a gay businessman was both one of the greatest and one of the most tragic figures in American show business. Judy had roles and performed in Pigskin Parade Broadway Melody of 1938, Listen Darling (1938), and so on. When MGM planned to star 20th Century­Fox’s Shirley Temple in The Wizard of Oz, Garland almost didn’t get her most celebrated role, but the deal fell through and Garland was cast as Dorothy. Even after this, the actress nearly lost out on her definitive screen moment when the studio decided to cut the song “Over the Rainbow”, finally keeping the number after it tested well in previews. The Wizard of Oz made Garland a star. In 1945 she married director Vincente Minnelli, with whom she had a daughter, Liza, in 1946. Garland and Vincente Minnelli divorced in 1951, whereupon she married Sid Luft. On June 22, 1969, the day of the Stonewall Rebellion, Judy Garland was found dead in her London apartment, the victim of an ostensibly accidental overdose of barbiturates.

Kaitlin Colombo (Comic)

A comedienne who made her professional debut in her teens, Kaitlin grew up in Southern California with her single, gay father. She became more widely known as a contestant on the Last Comic Standing and MTV’s the Reality Show.

Katharine Symonds Furse (Government official)

Katharine and her three sisters were the children of famed gay English essayist and historian John Addington Symonds (1840-1893). Born in Clifton, Bristol, young Katharine spent most of her childhood in Davos, Switzerland where Symonds had relocated the family in search of a better climate for his tuberculosis. In 1900 she married the painter, Charles W. Furse who also suffered from tuberculosis. They had two sons, Peter and John Paul. 1875 Katherine led the first VAD (Vol­untary Aid Detachment) Corps to France October 1914, headed the British Red Cross Women’s VAD Department, served as a Commandant in Chief of the Joint Women’s VAD Department 1916 and became the first head of the Women’s Royal Naval Service (WRENS) in 1917. She remained the head of the WRENS until they were demobilized in 1919. After the war, Katharine Furse continued her pioneering work in women’s service. She worked closely for years with the Girl Guides and for ten years was Director of the World Association of Girl Guides and Girl Scouts.

Klaus Mann (Author)

Famous German author of the novel “Mefisto” (made into a film), gay himself, he was the son of even more famous novelist Tho­mas Mann (“Budenbrooks”, “Magic Mountain”), who openly wrote about his own homosexuality in his secret diaries.

Kyra Nijinsky (Dancer)

Daughter of gay Russian dancer Vaslav Nijinsky, Kyra starred in She Dances Alone. As the leading charac­ter in the semi-documentary psychograph, Kyra reflected on the phenomenon and the tragic destiny of her father, the Russian choreographer and ballet dancer Vaslav Nijinsky.

Lynn Redgrave (Actress)

Lynn, best known for her roles in Shine, God’s and Monsters and Georgy Girl is the daughter of distin­guished bisexual actor Sir Michael Redgrave and sister of Vanessa. Lynn Redgrave has made significant contributions to her illustrious family’s five generation long reputation for producing fine British actors. The London-born Lynn studied acting at the Central School of Music and Drama. She first appeared on stage in a 1962 pro­duction of A Midsummer Night’s Dream at the Royal Court Theatre. She was next invited by Sir Laurence Olivier to become on of the first members in Britain’s National Theatre. There she appeared in Hamlet as well as in many other prestigious Productions. In the late 1990s, Redgrave staged a successful one-­woman show, Shakespeare for My Father.

Malcolm Stevenson “Steve” Forbes Jr. (CEO and Publisher)

Born July 18, 1947, is the son of gay father Malcolm Stevenson Forbes Sr. and the editor-in-chief of business magazine Forbes as well as president and chief executive officer of its publisher, Forbes Inc. He was a candidate in the U.S. Presidential primaries in 1996 and 2000.  His brothers Christopher, Robert and Timothy Forbes have all long worked for the magazine or at least the parent company.

Mary Godwin Wolistoncraft Shelley (Author)

Daughter of Mary Wollstonecraft, a lesbian author who wrote Vindication of the Rights of Man. Mary Godwin Wollstonecraft went on to marry poet Percy Bysshe Shelley, and more importantly went on to write Frankenstein.

Minnie Hall

The adopted daughter of Tammany Hall politician, and bail bondsman Murray Hall. Minnie’s father, a confident of State Senator Barney Martin was found to be actually Mary Anderson after his death in 1901. Murray Hall died from breast cancer, which was not diagnosed because of his fear of discovery.

Natasha Richardson (Actress)

Stage and screen performer who is the daughter of award winning actress Vanessa Redgrave, and bisexual film director Tony Richardson and also had a bisexual grandfather (Sir Michael Redgrave). Natasha lost her father, director Tony Richardson, to AIDS in 1991. Since her father’s death she’s taken a hands-on role in AIDS work, including organizing the American Foundation for AIDS Research’s hugely successful auction of Oscar dresses last year. Married to fellow actor Liam Neesom, Natasha is a mother of two sons.

“When I was about 10 or 11 I said to my mother, ‘Is my papa gay?’ She said yes, and I remember being very upset by that. I’m not sure quite why. There’s the social stigma when you’re in school … and I guess at the time you think your parents are gods. I guess, because of the world I’ve been brought up in, I just don’t categorize people. I don’t think, oh, that’s a bisexual person, that’s a gay person, that’s a straight person.”(From Playbill magazine).

Nicole Bobek (Ice skater)

Know for an outgoing personality on the ice and unusual grace and artistry, Nicole Bobek grew up in Chicago, with her lesbian mother, Jana Bobek who skated in minor competitions in her youth in her native Czechoslovakia. Nicole was put into skates at age 31/2 and Jana guided her daughter’s progress for a while, then put her into a class. Nicole was the 1995 United States skating champion and a Bronze medal at the World Level.

Nigel Nicolson (Author)

Nicolson wrote Portrait of a Marriage. In the book Nicholson writes of the marriage of his famous parents, the author Vita Sackville-West (who was Virginia Woolf’s longtime lover) and author, politician and diarist, Harold Nicolson, also a bisexual.

Noriko and Iichiro Mishima

Children of Yoko Suqiyama (eldest daughter of Japanese painter Yasushi Sugiyama) and gay author Yukio Mishima, the most spectacu­larly talented young writer to emerge in Japan after World War II. Their father at the peak of a brilliant literary career and at the age of forty-five committed the ritual suicide called Seppuku on November 25, 1970.

Orenthal James (OJ) Simpson (Athlete and actor)

Considered one of the greatest running backs in American football history, OJ in the early 1990′s became a household name that sparked conversations across the United States on race, wealth, and fame. He was born near San Francisco at StanfordUniversityHospital on 9 July 1947, the son of Jimmie and Eunice Durden Simpson. Simpson’s father, a well-known San Francisco drag queen, died of AIDS in 1986.  In June of 1994, Nicole Brown and Ronald Goldman were found brutally murdered, Simpson was charged with the two murders but found not guilty in criminal court though later convicted in civil court of their murders.

Rebecca Walker (Author, activist)

Rebecca is the daughter of lesbian author, Alice Walker and is the co-founder of the Third Wave, a small feminist organization that began in 1992. She recently wrote “To Be Real: Telling the Truth and Changing the Face of Feminism. Her mother is known for such novels as The Color Purple.

Rene Russo (Actress)

Born in 1954, Rene Russo grew up on the wrong side of the tracks in Burbank, a Los Angeles suburb. Her father, a sculptor and mechanic, left the family when Rene was just two, leaving her mother, Shirley, as a single lesbian mom with two daughters. (Rene has one sister, named Toni). As a 17 year old, Rene was discovered suddenly and within a few months, she had signed a contract with Ford Modeling Agency and within a year had become a successful print and photographer model. Her television series debut came in 1987 with a supporting part on the short-lived TV series “Sable.” Some of her most notable film appearances include Major League, Ransom, The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle, and as an internal affairs detective in Lethal Weapon 3. Rene Russo has been praised for her ability to hold her own against her major male co-stars. Rene Russo has been married to screenwriter Dan Gilroy since 1992, and they have one daughter, named Rose.

“When I was born—oh I am going to cry—my dad left and it was women in my life that were gay that raised me and that helped me and nurtured me.” (On ABC’s Good Morning America)

Vanessa Redgrave (Actress)

Vanessa, known for her roles in The Trojan Women, Mary Queen of Scots, Howards End, Wilde and Deep Impact, is the daughter of distinguished bisexual actor Sir Michael Redgrave. Vanessa Redgrave is widely regarded as one of Great Britain’s finest modern dramatic actresses. Born January 30, 1937 in London, Redgrave studied drama at London’s Central School of Music and Dance. She made her theatrical debut in 1957 and her film debut the following year in the dreadful Behind the Mask, which also starred her father. She had two children; Joely and Natasha Richardson, by bisexual director Tony Richardson, and in 1969 had a child by her Camelot co-star Franco Nero. Redgrave won an Oscar for best supporting actress for her role in Julia (1977).

Inclusive of Youth

with LGBTQ Parents

There is a long history of youth with lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and/or queer parents being involved with Gay Straight Alliances. In fact, the very first GSA club was started by a straight daughter of lesbian moms with her LGBT peers and teacher because she was sick of hearing homophobia comments in the hallways. She understood that anti-gay words, harassment and discrimination directly impacted her as someone with LGBTQ parents.

Youth involved in COLAGE are still today actively involved in GSA clubs all over the country. Both straight-identified and LGBTQ youth who have one or more LGBTQ parents bring leadership, unique perspectives and intimate knowledge of the harmful effects of homophobia and transphobia to student clubs.  At the same time, GSAs do not always acknowledge or embrace the unique experiences of LGBTQ-parented students.

Ruby from California shared, “I actually started my GSA as the daughter of lesbian moms. But I was one of the only people in it who had LGBTQ parents. COLAGErs {ie. people with one or more LGBTQ parents} didn’t feel like they had a place. The emphasis was on queer youth and straight allies and it wasn’t clear where COLAGErs would fit in.”

Often youth with LGBTQ parents feel that they straddle a unique position within the community. Because they may have grown up immersed in gay culture and community and because they are impacted by homophobia and transphobia in very personal and unique ways, COLAGErs often report that the term “straight ally” doesn’t feel like it fits their roles and potential contributions to GSAs and other queer organizations. One COLAGE participant, Dakota, who identifies as straight, said, “I’m not an ally.” He continued, “I’ve been gay since I went to my first Pride parade with my moms when I was not even a year old!”

Caroline, a student leader from a Massachusetts GSA who has lesbian moms, shared, “I wish students in GSAs would be more respectful of the fact that straight queerspawn can be as much a part of the queer community as LGBTQ students. It’s frustrating to me when, in group discussions, students with LGBT parents aren’t recognized as being a part of and in tune to the gay community.”

How to make sure your GSA is inclusive of students with LGBTQ parents:

1. Be wary about calling students with LGBTQ parents “allies.” Youth with LGBTQ parents often consider themselves part of the LGBTQ community. Some even identify as “culturally queer.” No matter their own sexual orientation or gender identity, they are personally impacted by homophobia and transphobia on political, cultural, legal and societal levels. Many youth with LGBTQ parents have been involved with struggles for LGBTQ rights since they were old enough to talk and walk. Many youth who have thought about being involved with their school’s GSAs have reported that they didn’t like being called allies to the community. Recognizing their unique roll within the LGBTQ community will help validate the contributions and leadership of students with LGBTQ parents. Some groups and organizations might even spell out- LGBTQ youth, youth with LGBTQ parents and straight allies- in advertisements for members.
2. Include activities and content about LGBTQ families in the work of your GSA. Many GSAs tend to focus on issues impacting LGBTQ youth, sometimes to the exclusion of broader topics of importance to the LGBTQ movement. Because GSAs are meant to bring together students from all backgrounds, orientation and identities, if you are able to do cross-issue organizing, as well as include specific information, activities and education about LGBTQ families, students with LGBTQ parents will feel that your club is more applicable to their lives. Learn about laws and policies that would impact families. Celebrate people throughout history who have had LGBTQ parents. Do educational campaigns in your school about youth with LGBTQ parents. If you need resources or help to incorporate content into the work of your club, don’t hesitate to visit the COLAGE website at www.colage.org.
3. Create space for all youth to be leaders in your group. Don’t assume that only youth who identify as LGBTQ are able to provide vision, leadership and enthusiasm for your GSA. COLAGE participants have shared stories where they felt “their opinions didn’t count as much as the gay kids.” All youth committed to the mission and goals of your club should be celebrated and nurtured as leaders and sexual orientation or gender identity shouldn’t be a requirement for having your ideas and opinions matter.
4. Welcome all students. Create a space where youth are able to “come out” about their reasons for joining the group in their own time. Maybe a student wants to be involved with the GSA but isn’t ready or able to say that they have a transgender parent. Don’t question any students’ reasons for joining the group- instead extend a warm welcome to all.
5. Don’t make COLAGErs into poster children. Leave room for youth with LGBTQ parents to share their expertise but don’t expect them to always educate or know all the answers about LGBTQ families and community.  Also, don’t expect that the only issue they will be interested in is families. Youth with LGBTQ parents are broadly impacted by homophobia and transphobia as well as other forms of oppression in ways that transcend just the fact that they have an LGBTQ parent.
6. Don’t expect youth with LGBTQ parents to be straight. Youth with LGBTQ parents, themselves, cover the gamut in terms of their own sexual orientations and gender identity. Some are 2^nd Gen meaning that they are LGBTQ identified and have an LGBTQ parent. Others are straight. Others may be questioning, although often kids of gay parents feel pressure to be straight to somehow prove that their parents didn’t impact their sexuality. Try to let youth decide when and how they come out about any aspect of their identity and be open to the range of identities that youth with LGBTQ parents may have.

These tips are just a starting point for making sure that your GSA is a place that embraces and celebrates youth with LGBTQ parents. Of course, asking for the input and advice of students with LGBTQ parents in your school community is also important as each school and student has different needs and issues.

Another great place to educate yourself on the experiences of students with LGBTQ parents is the recently released report, “Invisible, Involved, Ignored” authored by GLSEN and released with COLAGE and the Family Equality Council.  http://www.glsen.org/cgi-bin/iowa/all/news/record/2271.html . The report surveyed middle and high school students nationally who shared their experiences in schools including the challenges of isolation, bullying and discrimination.

If you want resources about starting a GSA or helpful tools for your group, check out the GSA Network. GSA Network is a youth leadership organization that empowers youth activists to fight homophobia and transphobia in schools through Gay-Straight Alliance clubs that create safer schools and advocate for non-discrimination policies. www.gsanetwork.org

For more information about COLAGE, resources about youth with LGBTQ parents, or to connect with folks with LGBTQ parents through events or chapters near you, visit www.colage.org.

Not So Gay:

Differences between Kids of Trans Parents and Kids with LGBQ Parents

People with one or more lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and/or queer parents share many similarities and differences. Our families are unique, but we find a certain commonality in our experiences. People with transgender parents or, Kids of Trans (KOT), have a lot in common with people with lesbian, gay, bisexual, and/or queer parents. There are, however, some specific aspects of having a transgender parent that other kids of LGBQ parents do not experience. It is important for us to acknowledge the distinct experiences of certain segments of our community in order to better understand each other and celebrate the diversity of all queerspawn.

- Sexual orientation vs. Gender identity. Gay, lesbian, bisexual and queer identity is based on sexual orientation, or the gender that someone is attracted to.  Everyone has a sexual orientation. Transgender identity is based on gender identity, or one’s own understanding of being a man, a woman, or another gender. Everyone has a gender identity. A person’s gender identity is almost always visible (even if their gender identity is sometimes or often misinterpreted by others), but a person’s sexual orientation is not always visible.  Whereas sexual orientation affects a parent’s relationship to potential partners, a parent’s gender identity impacts how they relate to the world at large. A parent’s sexual orientation and a parent’s gender identity thus impact their children in different ways.  (For example, if I am in public with my gay parent, people may not know that they are gay. Whereas if I am in public with my transgender parent, people may suspect that their gender expression differs from their assigned sex.)

- Societal Awareness and Acceptance. Gay, lesbian, bisexual and queer people have made incredible progress over the last few decades in increasing visibility and acceptance in society. Transgender people have also made progress, but have been less visible and less accepted than gay and lesbian people. While transgender people are becoming more visible, the fact that they have children is less widely known. In contrast, most Americans are aware that gay and lesbian people may have children. Visibility for our families can also be challenging within the LGBTQ community – for example, a family of two women and two children is easily read as a queer family whereas transgender parents might be read as (or identify as) straight, sometimes complicating our access to LGBTQ community.

- Legal Protections. Gay, lesbian, bisexual and queer people have more legal protections than transgender people. Many states have anti-discrimination and hate crimes laws regarding sexual orientation, but not gender identity and expression. Depending on the state, transgender parents can also face immense challenges in court custody cases, leaving children vulnerable to being taken away from or legally estranged from a parent.

- Transition. Many people with transgender parents witness their parent’s transition from one gender to another. A parent may change their pronouns, name, appearance, and mannerisms during the transition. This may be a major challenge for KOTs, who go through a transition of their own in relation to their transitioning parent. As we witness our parent change their gender, we may grieve the loss of our parent’s former self. We struggle with understanding and/or re-establishing our relationship to our parent as they become who they need to be. There are also assumptions about surgeries, hormones and other medical states of transgender people. As KOTs, we are often forced to hear or answer invasive questions about the medical processes, genitalia or other details about our parents.

- Pronouns and Naming. We are taught that mothers are women and fathers are men. Having a transgender parent challenges this assumption. KOTs may call their mother ‘he’ or their father ‘she’. Adjusting to new pronouns takes practice, so when a parent transitions, switching pronouns can be a big challenge. Some parents change their name, as well, to reflect their new identity. A parent who transitions from female to male may no longer want to be called “Mom” in public. Children often relearn how to refer to their transgender parent in ways that feel comfortable for both the parent and the child.

- Transphobia in the LGBQ Community. As people with transgender parents, KOTs often encounter transphobia in the world. Sometimes, lesbian, gay, bisexual or queer people are transphobic toward our families or other transgender people.  Just because someone is LGBQ (or has an LGB/Q parent) does not necessarily mean that they understand transgender issues. Even in gay-friendly spaces, we may hear negative comments about drag queens or other trans folks. You can respond to these comments by reminding people that many LGBQ people are often targeted for their gender expression, which is the basis of discrimination against transgender people, too.

2^nd Gen Resource List

For lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and questioning folks with LGBTQ parents

What is 2^nd Gen?

2^nd Generation is a term coined to describe lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and questioning folks of all ages who have LGBTQ parents. This resource lists includes both academic and news articles, books, documentaries, and cultural references of 2^nd Gen people and issues. For more information about 2^nd Gen email COLAGE at robin@colage.org

BOOKS

Bernstein, Robin and Silberman, Seth, eds. Generation Q: Gays, Lesbians, and Bisexuals Born Around 1969′s Stonewall Riots Tell Their Stories of Growing Up in the Age of Information. Alyson Publications, 2000. ISBN: 155583356X

Forney, Ellen. Monkey Food: The Complete “I Was Seven in ’75″ Collection, Fantagraphics Books 1999. This book is a collection of comics by a 2^nd Generation artist and illustrator.

Gluckman, Ryn. “Relearning the Mother Tongue: Notes from a Second Generation Queer.” In Revolutionary Voices: A Multicultural Queer Youth Anthology. Amy Sonnie, ed. Alyson Publications, 2000.

Howey, Noelle; Samuels, Ellen, Eds. Out of the Ordinary: Essays on Growing Up With Gay, Lesbian, and Transgender Parents. St. Martin’s Press 2000. A few of these essays are written by 2^nd Generation adults.

Leavitt, David. The Lost Language of Cranes. Mariner Books; Reprint edition, 1997.

Maupin, Armistead. Tales of the City. This six-book serial about a variety of characters in San Francisco includes stories that are comical, poignant, suspenseful, and surprising. Includes LGBT characters, some of whom have kids, and some of whom are 2^nd Gen.

Nicolson, Nigel. Portrait of a Marriage.  University of Chicago Press, 1998 (reprint ed.) Gay author Nicholson writes of the marriage of his famous parents, the author Vita Sackville-West (who was Virginia Woolf’s longtime lover) and author, politician and diarist, Harold Nicolson, also a bisexual. This telling of his parent’s marriage shows a complex and truly original partnership.

Rafkin, Louise. Different Mothers: Sons and Daughters of Lesbians Talk About Their Lives. Cleis Press 1990. This book is a collection of reflections and stories written by young and adult children with lesbian mothers. Some of them are 2^nd Gen.

MOVIES

The Incredibly True Adventures of Two Girls in Love. While this movie focuses on the story of two youth kindling a relationship, the main character is a young dyke that lives with her lesbian aunts who act as her guardians.

Like Mother, Like Son. 1994. Documentary.  Annette Kennerley’s five-year-old son talks about dressing up in women’s clothing in this eye-opening film from the United Kingdom.

The Lost Language of Cranes. 1992. Distributed by BBC Television. When a young gay may comes out of the closet. His friends support him, but when he comes out to his parents, he stirs up a wealth of hidden feelings and secrets in their relationship because his father is living a closeted gay existence. Based on the book by David Leavitt.

Our House: A Very Real Documentary About Kids with Lesbian and Gay Parents. By Meema Spadola. Six stories about youth of different ages and backgrounds with alternative families. One of the youth interviewed, Cade, is a 2^nd Generation dyke who talks about coming out in a house of lesbians.

Shared Lives. By Tamsin Orion. A documentary about second generation lesbians.

The Sum of Us. By David Stevens. Australian movie with a “skipped” 2^nd Generation: a gay man has a lesbian grandmother based on Steven’s play of the same name. 1994.

TV

High Society 1995 Short-lived comedy with supporting character Stefano (Luigi Amodeo) as a gay man with a lesbian mom.

Seinfeld 1990-1998. George’s deceased fiancee, Susan (portrayed by Heidi Swedberg), was a bisexual whose dad was also bi (and had an affair with noted author John Cheever!)

ARTICLES

 “An Interview with Daniel Cherubin, Founder and Director, Second Generation” From NYC Center Kids Talk, Oct. 1998 http://www.gaycenter.org/kidstalk/sept98.htm#Daniel Cherubin

“Research Summery on Lesbian and Gay Parenting.” American Pscyhological Association Public Interest Directorate. 1995 www.apa.org/pi/parent.html

Garner, Abigail. “Second Generation: GLBT Kids of GLBT Parents.”  From the Families Like Mine Website. http://www.familieslikemine.org/insight/SG.html

Kirby, David. “The Second Generation.” From the New York Times June 7, 1998.  http://www.geocities.com/WestHollywood/Village/3497/nytart.html

Weinstock, Laura J. “All in the Queer Family: Why Even Kids of Lesbians and Gay Men Have Trouble Coming Out to their Parents.”  Curve Magazine. November, 2001.

WEBSITES

Advocates for Youth-www.advocatesforyouth.org

Coalition for Positive Sexuality-www.positive.org

COLAGE-www.colage.org

Youth Resource www.youthresource.org

MISCELLANEOUS

Bechdel, Allison. “Dykes to Watch Out For.” This comic series now includes many books that portray a diverse cast of characters including some mention of Second Gen issues.

Kirby, Robert. “Father and Son.” Comic strip.

This resource sheet was developed by:

COLAGE-People with Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and/or Queer Parents

4509 Interlake Ave N.

Seattle, WA 98103

www.colage.org   colage@colage.org  (855) 4-COLAGE

2^nd Gen FAQ

For lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and questioning folks with LGBT Q parents

What is this Second Generation thing anyway?

Second Generation is a term that we use to describe queer, lesbian, transgender, bisexual, gay, and questioning children who also have gay parents. Second Genners come from a diverse range of family make-ups, gender identities, and cultures. Some of us came out after our parents were out to us and some of us came out before. We all have different experiences.

How did Second Generation start?

As long as there have been children with gay parents, there have been Second Genners (in fact, legend has it, that there are 3^rd, 4^th, and 5^th Genners running around also.)

In 1992 Dan Cherubin, a gay man with a lesbian mom, started the first official organization for Second Generation COLAGErs called “Second Generation.” In 1998, Dan was featured in a New York Times article on Second Generation children. Shortly after that COLAGE and Second Generation partnered up. COLAGE featured articles by Dan Cherubin and Second Gen COLAGEr Kate Ranson-Walsh in Just For Us, the COLAGE publication. This program is no longer an active part of COLAGE but as long as there are 2^nd Gen-ners, there will be space at COLAGE for their identities to be explored and cherished.

Did having gay parents make you gay?

The growing body of research on children with LGBTQ parents shows that kids with gay parents are no more likely to be gay than kids with straight parents. In other words, while the causes of sexual orientation are still up for debate, having a gay parent does not make you gay.

Our #1 favorite response to this question is, “Why does it matter?” or “So what if they did?”

Did you make your parents gay?

We would like to think so…..

Just kidding!

Some of us actually come out before our parents do. Sometimes that might influence their decision to come out. But the research shows that parents’ sexual orientation does not determine their children’s sexual orientation, and we think its probably true the other way around too.

Was coming out easier for you because you had gay parents?

Often youth raised in LGBTQ families express that they feel the experience has allowed them to have a more open mind, be more respectful of all differences, and to be aware of the fluidity of sexuality and gender. In this way, many COLAGErs find that realizing that they were gay was easier because of their parents.

Once the subject turns to coming out, again…we all have different family experiences.

Some of us have struggled with our parents. Many gay parents are scared or saddened when their kids come out because they don’t want them to face homophobia or violence as a queer person. Some parents feel guilty, thinking that their own sexuality has affected ours. But, for some of us, having gay parents made it easier for us to come out. We knew that they would be supportive and loving and understand our struggle. Many of us have a lot of support from our parents.

Coming out to our LGBTQ parents also varies greatly for each of our experiences. Some find it difficult- they worry that by coming out to their parents they will be letting them down. Others are excited to come out.

Generational differences between young and old LGBTQ communities also affect our experiences. Differences around language (eg words such as queer), approaches to gender, political differences, and more are often a factor in the different gay identities that we as the “children” and that of our parents might embrace.

Another challenging situation that some Second Gen COLAGErs face occurs when they are the kid of both a gay parent and a straight parent. Coming out as LGBTQ can be difficult if they fear that their straight parent will see this as a way they are “siding with” the gay parent.

“Oh, you must have had it so easy then, as a gay kid.”

Much of what makes being an LGBTQ person difficult is the rampant homophobia in our society. Having a gay family unfortunately does not counter the challenges due to homophobia that we face as LGBT people.

Again our experiences vary.

I’m a gay parent who has a Second Gen child. WHAT DO I DO?!?!?

Ah.  Easy Steps to Being a Super Gay Parent of a Gay Child:

1. Research books, articles, and websites by and for LGBTQ youth. This will help you understand some of the issues that queer young people are talking about today, and will allow you to be a resource for your own child. We recommend the following websites:
2. Be real about your own feelings with your child. If you are feeling angry, sad, guilty, scared it’s important to talk about why you feel that way and to hear your child’s response. Get yourself some support…you can support your child more if you feel supported yourself. We recommend checking out PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays), The Family Pride Coalition, or your local LGBTQ parents group. For more resources for gay parents visit the “Parents” section of the COLAGE website: http://www.colage.org/parents/index.html
3. Ending homophobia starts at home.
4. There is no one way to be gay. Often kids feel pressure from their parents after coming out to be a certain kind of gay person. Your gay identity and that of your child may vary on identity politics, gender issues, political topics, and more. Recognize that both of you have your own, real, and valid way of being and expressing your LGBTQ identity.

• Click here to order your guide today!

This groundbreaking publication captures the perspectives of donor-conceived youth and young adults who were raised by lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender or queer (LGBTQ) parent. The DI Guide offers testimonials in order to answer the questions and address the concerns of current and future generations of donor-conceived children. It is also an invaluable handbook for current and future LGBTQ parents, as well as teachers and medical professionals.

The DI Guide is comprised of four sections. The first section deals with people’s personal relationships with their donor, the second discusses how donors interact with families, the third outlines the struggles DI COLAGErs face when talking about insemination or their families and the fourth is a collection of stand alone resources which includes guides for current parents, prospective parents, medical professionals, teachers as well as a legal resource page for DI COLAGErs.

The DI guide has generated much excitement within the fertility industry and the LGBT community. Alice Ruby, the Executive Director of The Sperm Bank of California, one of the first sperm banks to offer their services to single and/or lesbian women, wrote the following about the guide: “The COLAGE DI Guide is remarkable in both breadth and specificity. However, what is most extraordinary about this comprehensive resource is that it is written both for and by donor-conceived individuals. While intended for our children, this document also serves as an important reminder to parents that DI babies grow up and have their own perspectives about their conception and about living in LGBT families.”

Joanna Scheib, PhD, of the University of California, Davis and The Sperm Bank of California, adds, “Jeff DeGroot of COLAGE has created a timely and desperately needed “how to” guide for people whose parents used a donor to have them. . . . COLAGE’s DI Guide is a fantastic resource for anyone who has a sperm donor. . . . While written for adolescents and adults from queer families, anyone with donor origins will find this helpful. DeGroot covers many difficult topics, such as broaching the topic of your donor with your parents, approaching relationships with others who have the same sperm donor without excluding your own siblings, and more generally dealing with everyday challenges of answering the question “who’s your father?” The DI Guide is beautifully written, easy to read, and full of great quotes from youth and adults with donor origins. It takes complex issues associated with being from a DI family and puts them into simple frameworks that make things much more easy and manageable. I expect the DI Guide will become a household staple among families created through donor insemination.”

About the ART Project: The DI guide, along with the fellowship that made the project possible, are part of the COLAGE ART Project. In the fall of 2009, COLAGE launched the ART Project to highlight the experiences of youth born to LGBTQ parents through assisted reproductive technologies. Over the past 30 years the number of people born through these technologies has steadily grown, yet little, if any, work has been done to bring this community together or address the experiences of these youth and adults. The first major effort of the ART Project has been the publication of the DI Guide along with the research that allowed for its creation. In the coming years, COLAGE looks forward to expanding the ART Project and its programs to include workshops and resources for COLAGE youth born through other assisted reproductive technologies,including surrogacy.

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