Tips for Researchers

Studying Youth with LGBTQ

Parents

COLAGE receives hundreds of requests each year from teachers, professors, scholars, and other academic professionals, as well as secondary, undergraduate, and graduate students conducting research about different aspects of LGBTQ families. Many of these are folks wishing to do interviews or surveys with children of LGBTQ parents.   While research is not a primary focus of COLAGE’s work, we recognize the importance of objective and useful studies about our families and offer resources for researchers whenever possible.

As children of lesbians, gays, bisexuals, transgender, and/or queer people, our relationships to research and researchers are complex.  COLAGE recognizes the role that research has played in securing rights for LGBTQ individuals, families and communities.  Major institutions including the Supreme Court, state and federal legislatures, regional and district courts, schools, and professional associations have relied on research findings to counter commonly held biases and stereotypes.  At the same time, COLAGE recognizes that some researchers are themselves homophobic and conduct research attempting to verify commonly held biases and stereotypes.  Finally, although we applaud and welcome the expertise, support and validation of LGBTQ-friendly researchers and scholars, COLAGE also feels strongly that we, as children and adults with LGBTQ parents, are the ultimate authorities and experts on our own lives. Pleas also see our “Some Ideas for Further Research Relating to Children with LGBTQ Parents” for our suggestions on what further research would be beneficial to our community.

To address some of these complexities, COLAGE has created “Tips for Researchers Studying Children of LGBTQ Parents.”  We hope this brief guide will strengthen not only your individual research project, but the state of research overall as it relates to our lives and families.

We ask folks considering research projects about children of LGBTQ parents to keep in mind the following:

1. Understand Our Language.  Some children of LGBTQ parents will use “COLAGEr” or “queerspawn” to refer to themselves and other children of LGBTQ parents.  Do not assume, however, that all children of LGBTQ parents use this terminology, like it, or are even aware of it.
2. Move Beyond “How We Turn Out.”  COLAGErs are used to the feeling that they are being watched, studied, or otherwise treated as poster children of the LGBTQ movement. Alternately, we are acutely aware that we represent the greatest fears of opposition to LGBTQ equality, because we stand to either dispute or reinforce homophobic assumptions about LGBTQ families. The underlying goal of research often seems to be to determine how we as children of LGBTQ parents “turn out,” which is then supposed to somehow resolve the debate about whether LGBTQ people are capable of raising children.  When planning your project, think about how you can move away from this problematic trend of treating children of LGBTQ parents as mere specimen.  We neither need nor deserve the pressure of proving through our lives and personalities whether or not our parents should have raised us—this is not pressure usually faced by kids of straight parents.
3. Plan ahead. Please keep in mind that the members of our staff and Speak Out program have full-time school or work schedules. We often hear from students who are on extremely tight deadlines wanting immediate interviews or assistance from COLAGE. The more flexible you are, the more likely it is that someone will be willing and able to work with you on your report or project.
4. Our Sexuality is…Our Own.  The most common question asked about those of us with LGBTQ parents is: what is your sexual orientation? Unless this information is directly related to the research you are conducting, leave this question out of your interview. Keep in mind that many young people just don’t know yet. Also, many folks find this an intrusion, and many are offended (or just “put on the spot”) because there is an assumption that if someone is straight, then it’s not so bad that their parent is gay, but if they are gay, then it reflects poorly not only on their parents, but on LGBTQ families in general.  Whether the person is gay, straight, bi, or something else entirely, their sexuality is their own—it’s demeaning to have this aspect of self turned into a piece of evidence for or against your family.  Unless your research is specifically looking at the sexual orientation and gender identity of individuals with one or more LGBTQ parent, you probably do not need to know or ask.
5. Reinforcing Homophobia Won’t End Homophobia.  Additionally, think about the underlying assumptions that might be embedded in your research questions. COLAGErs have expressed the feeling that academics’ questions are not really about the whole picture of how we turn out, but rather, they focus on homophobic fears and assumptions. These questions have to do with what genders we would consider having sex with, what type of gender roles we were exposed to as children, and if we are meeting societal standards of what it means to be a “man” or a “woman.”  Often, the hope is that our answers will show us to be “the same as” children of straight parents.  Instead of assuming that being “the same as” is the best outcome, consider exploring how the unique qualities of our families might benefit us as children, or what skills, ideas, and resources LGBTQ-parented families and children might have to offer straight-parented families and children.
6. Anonymity, Confidentiality, and Privacy.  Many LGBTQ families are concerned about privacy, and for good reason: homophobia and transphobia, social ostracism, being fired, being evicted, being attacked, etc. are all common results when bigots find out about our families. However, don’t assume that we’ll want to be anonymous—you’ll find tons of kids who are proudly outspoken about their families. But also be understanding and accommodating if and when youth with LGBTQ parents request anonymity.
7. Respect COLAGEr-only Spaces.  Do not expect or ask to observe one of the groups or activities run by COLAGE.  Unless you have an LGBTQ parent yourself, you are not able to join or observe any of the groups COLAGE offers for people with LGBTQ parents, including those we offer on the Internet.  These groups are safe spaces for folks with LGBTQ parents that we keep confidential and private.  If you have an LGBTQ parent and are participating in a COLAGE group, feel free to post or announce invitations to participate in research projects—but please do not collect information from online or in-person discussions without receiving permission from everyone present.  If in doubt, check in with your group leader or list moderator before proceeding.
8. Our Families Come in All Shapes and Sizes.  There are many ways in which our families are complex—several parents co-parenting children together, closeted parents, divorced and blended families, single parents, transgender parents or guardians, and multi-racial families, just to name a few examples.  We are often told by members of academia that “so and so’s story is SO interesting, but it’s just too complicated.” By telling the lesser-known ways in which LGBTQ parents create and sustain families, you help counter the idea that there is only one successful model for parenting or growing up.  Plus, you would be doing a great justice to the thousands of kids represented by these families!

If you already have a research project or question you are working on, we hope these suggestions will help you carry out your project with maximum respect for us and our families, and maximum impact on homophobia in our society.  If you are interested in research but have yet to design a specific study or question for exploration, check out our “Ideas for Further Research Relating to Children with LGBTQ Parents”!

Tips for Medical 

Professionals for Making

Better/Safer Environments

for Youth with LGBTQ

Parents

In the United States alone, there are millions of people with one or more lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and/or queer (LGBTQ) parent(s). While research shows that there are no significant developmental differences or negative effects on children of LGBTQ parents, these youth report facing significantly more prejudice and discrimination because of societal homophobia and transphobia.

LGBTQ families, particularly families that include one or more non-biological parents, face a range of systemic impediments to care and custody of children, including exclusion from a spouse’s health insurance coverage and hostility in school systems and health care settings.

Based on a Kaiser Permanente national survey of nursing students, 8-12 percent “despised” lesbian, gay and bisexual people, 5-12 percent found lesbian, gay and bisexual people “disgusting” and 40-43 percent thought lesbian, gay and bisexual people should keep their sexuality private. Homophobia and transphobia in health care fields impacts the ability of youth with LGBTQ parents and their families to access care.

The Williams Institute published research in October 2006 that shows 20 percent of same-sex couples are uninsured, compared with only 10 percent of married people and 15 percent of the overall population. This means that a higher number of LGBTQ couples as well as their children do not have health coverage. LGBTQ people who are unable to access adequate health care are less able to care for children. Some LGBTQ parents are able to access health coverage through domestic partner benefits. Still, the majority of employers don’t offer domestic-partner benefits, and even among those that do, some people may not feel comfortable taking advantage of them, especially if they are not able to be “out” at work.

Because of stigma and prejudice, and because people with LGBTQ parents and their families represent a minority of the U.S. population—a population that is still not a recognized category in the U.S. census—clinical and public health studies and program evaluation have been scarce in all sectors of health delivery and research.

Medical professionals are the first responders when it comes to making sure people are treated equally, regardless of their differences—like sexual orientation, gender identity or family status. Patients should feel safe and confident when they are in hospitals, clinics, or even on the operating table.

There are simple ways to make the practice environment safer and more welcoming for children of LGBTQ parent(s) and their families. Simple changes in everything from patient forms to office décor can have a significant impact on the comfort level and interactivity of a child of LGBTQ parent(s) of any age. Open communications between medical professional and patient not only make the relationship easier, but it can also save lives.

The following tips are compiled through our individual and collective experiences as children of LGBTQ parent(s) and are not based on any quantitative or qualitative study or research.

Realize We Are Part of the Community

Understand that while most kids with LGBTQ parents may not be LGBTQ themselves, they are still a large and active part of the “gay community.”  They may not identify outwardly about their role in the community, but are nonetheless a part of it.

Enter a Conversation with an Open Mind

While medicine is about rendering judgment and finding a solution, it best to enter conversations with kids of LGBTQ families judgment-free. Language can be quite stigmatizing. What does the child call their parents? Use accurate pronouns and language when talking about family or people. Practice how you’ll treat a trans-family interaction and be open to critique and feedback.

Show Your Respect for our Families

Show “signs” that LGBTQ families are welcome; even the subtlest hint of acceptance will be felt.  Signs could include a poster, rainbow sticker, visually inclusive brochures or even the posting of a non-discrimination policy. An actual physical sign could be the creation and posting of a unisex bathroom.

Make an Impact with the Right Books and Magazines

It may seem minor, but more powerful than a rainbow sticker on a door, the right books and magazines can really show acceptance. Stock waiting rooms with gay family magazines and books for kids with LGBTQ parents.

Change Patient Intake Forms

Nothing can annoy children of LGBTQ parents more than intake forms. Whether it is a school release form, college application or a medical history sheet, the assumption that we have a mother and father that we know and can give information on is sometimes daunting and off-putting. Changing forms to be more general and open to multiple parents may give more information than needed, but is conveys a sense of acceptance to the patient.

Re-evaluate Policies and Procedures

Visitation rules are probably the most mentioned form of discrimination among kids of LGBTQ parents. Policies are created to limit the number of people and protect children from exposure, but imagine a child getting their tonsils taken out can only be visited by their one biological mother or father. And not all LGBTQ families can afford powers of attorney to override access to loved ones. Redefining “family” to stretch beyond bloodlines can only aid in patient care.

Know the Ins and Outs of  “Outness”

Kids of LGBTQ parents are at different levels of outness when it comes to their families and even their own acceptance. Just because the parents are open doesn’t mean the kids are. Gauge the level of openness through conversation. Ask questions.

Avoid Assumptions in All Aspects of Work

One of the first questions children of LGBTQ parents are asked is “Are you gay?” Usually the answer is no—studies have shown that children with LGBTQ are no more likely to be LGBTQ themselves than children of heterosexual parents. People also assume that because the child’s parents are “defined” by sex that the child is all-knowing of sex and the gay community. Assumptions are avoided in rendering medical decisions as they should be in rendering understanding of a patient’s life.

Teach Yourself and Teach Others

Bring in workplace training on LGBTQ families, or bring in specialists in areas of trans-families or adoptive families. Seek out LGBTQ medical associations and organizations and be an ambassador to others, like patients and co-workers. Medical professionals have a power link to the community and can create a significant difference in discrimination and stigma-reduction.

What you should know about children with one or more LGBTQ Parent(s):

• We look no different than our peers.
• We are very aware of discrimination against our families (even if the parents are trying to shield us).
• About 10 percent of us are 2ndGen (Second Generation), which means we identify as LGBTQ.
• We come from all types of families—we are children of divorced parents, ethnically diverse families, hetero-appearing families, trans-parented families and blended families.
• A large number of children are adopted into gay families.
• We face great pressures from family and society to be or at least appear “straight,” “normal” or “perfect,” in addition to all the other pressure our peers face through life.
• This pressure also makes it difficult for us and our families to admit when there are challenges such as abuse in our families.
• We often like to protect our families and not tell when we face or hear discrimination.
• We do not always know our biological medical history.
• We understand what it means to be different.

Tips for Making Classrooms

Safer for Students with

LGBTQ Parents

A guide created by the Youth Leadership Action Program

“In middle school when I made my family tree, my teacher told me it couldn’t have two women. I was told it could either have one of my moms’ sides, or I could “make up a father.” The teacher chose to pass on ignorance and intolerance, instead of using the opportunity to teach my classmates about diversity.” -14 year old daughter of a lesbian mom

“I wrote a report for school about my friend Stefan who has a lesbian mom and a gay dad.  While presenting my report to the class I mentioned his parents’ sexuality and everyone went into an uproar.  I slunk ashamedly back to my seat without finishing my report.” -16 year old daughter of lesbian moms   

“When I was in 3^rd grade, I was absent one day and my teacher decided to out me to the class. I came to school the next day and was horrified. I was teased for the next 4 years until I moved to a different district.”- 15 year old daughter of a lesbian mom

“One time, some seniors who had seen the rainbow sticker on my mom’s car threw me into a garbage can and called me homophobic names.”- 17 year old son of lesbian moms and a gay dad

In the United States alone, there are millions of people with one or more lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and/or queer (LGBTQ) parent(s). While research shows that there are no significant developmental differences or negative effects on children of LGBTQ parents, these youth do report facing significantly more prejudice and discrimination because of societal homophobia and transphobia. Youth report that schools are a key place where they face intolerance—from peers, teachers, school administration, and school systems that are affected by the homophobia in our society.  The following tips attempt to introduce teachers to the topic of safety and respect for youth with LGBTQ parents in schools. Developed by a group of youth with LGBTQ parents in the San Francisco Bay Area, these suggestions are first steps in making your classrooms and schools more affirming and safe for students from LGBTQ families, as well as all students affected by homophobia and oppression.

1. Always intervene whenever you hear or see anti-gay language or actions. At the beginning of the year, set classroom rules that include making it clear that racist, homophobic, sexist, etc. comments are not welcome in your classroom. Send a clear message that homophobia will never be tolerated. In addition, try to link homophobia to other types of oppression—teach students that hate in all of its forms is wrong.

2. Do not make assumptions about any student’s background. Create a classroom where each student is able to share freely about their identity and families.

3. Visually show your support. On your walls include a poster about diverse families (perhaps the COLAGE poster) or other images that show you are an ally to LGBTQ people and issues.

4. Challenge heterosexism in your assignments. Some examples: In language classes asking youth to describe their families, often youth with LGBTQ parents have been reprimanded for using the wrong gender pronouns.  However, often the fact that they are using he and he to describe two dads is correct. If you assign family origin or family tree projects, allow youth from alternative families to make their own decisions about how they portray their families, whether it is two parents of the same gender, or multiple parents who co-parent them, etc.

5. Include Topics about Diversity in your curriculum. Study different kinds of families and famous LGBTQ people (and when someone you are studying anyway is a LGBTQ person, mention that), have speakers, and use videos and books to show students that diversity is something to be celebrated. Perhaps use events such as National Coming Out Day, Pride Day, or a Unity Week as reasons to incorporate LGBTQ issues positively into your classroom.

6. Never out a student with LGBTQ parents. The only person who should make the decision to share about their family is the student when they feel safe and ready to do so.

7. Do not make assumptions about youth with LGBTQ parents. Youth from alternative families report that people often assume certain traits will apply to all youth with LGBTQ parents. For example, do not expect that a student who has LGBTQ parents will also be gay.  Research shows that there is no higher incidence of homosexuality among people raised by LGBTQ parents.

8. Make your classroom accessible. Do not rely on forms that ask for signatures from mother and father. Instead use the terms Parent/Guardian.  On Back to School night, or during parent teacher conferences, expect and welcome LGBTQ parents.

9. Work with your administration to make sure your school is safe for students with LGBTQ families. Suggest that the faculty at your school does an LGBTQ sensitivity training, or an in-service about LGBTQ and diverse families. Discuss protocols for dealing with anti-gay or anti-gay family harassment on school-wide or department levels so that all teachers are equipped to address homophobia.

10. Educate yourself. Learn more about LGBTQ families and issues.  Not only will this allow you to be informed when students raise questions or need resources, but it will help you be better equipped to address incidents of homophobia in your school and to include LGBTQ content in your curriculum.  As a starting point, use the resources at the back of this guide for suggestions of books, movies, websites and more.

11. Be involved.  If your school has a Gay Straight Alliance or other type of club, attend meetings when possible to show your support.  You can also offer to be the faculty advisor for such a club if students are trying to start one in your school.  If you are involved in your school’s GSA, Rainbow Club, or other diversity club, ensure that LGBTQ family issues are included and that youth from LGBTQ families are welcomed as participants.

*For the full “Tips” sheet with definitions and resources, please email colage@colage.org

Some Ideas for Further

Research Relating to Youth

with LGBTQ Parents

While some aspects of our lives have been over-analyzed, other aspects have been ignored.  COLAGE has identified some areas where we think more research (or in some cases better research) should be done.

1. Study the Impact of Homophobia on Our Lives.  Many, many people have studied the impact our LGBTQ parents have had on our lives.  However, very few people have researched the impact of homophobia on our lives.  When schools debate how old students have to be before they can be “exposed” to gay people, how does this affect those of us who had LGBTQ parents when we were very young?  When states deny our families legal protections, how does this shape our access to resources we need to grow up strong, healthy, and safe?  If our teachers and classmates create hostile environments for us in school, how does this impact our educational achievement?  When society only recognizes biological ties as legitimate, how does this impact our relationships with non-biological parents?  There are hundreds of questions like this that have either not been asked at all, or not answered sufficiently.  Research on this subject will support COLAGE and other advocacy organizations by demonstrating the social harm of homophobia, thus adding incentives everyday people, as well as policy-makers, to step up and take the necessary steps for reducing this harm and protecting all members of society equally.

2. Quantitative Analysis.    As awareness of diverse families spreads, more and more official agencies are expanding how they permit people to define their identities and family structures.  Up to now, there has been little quantifiable knowledge of children from LGBTQ families.  How many of us are there?  What are the demographics of our community, especially around race, income, gender, and geography?  COLAGE is often asked questions like this, and unfortunately the answer is often that we just don’t know.  The National Gay and Lesbian Task Force’s ground-breaking analysis of the 2000 census is a model for this type of research.  However, further advocacy is needed to make the census even more representative of our families, and there may be other methods that can answer some of these questions as well.  Quantitative analysis helps reporters, policy-makers, and ordinary people understand the diversity of our community.  It is easier to estimate the harm of local anti-gay initiatives if one is able to find out the number of LGBTQ people or families living locally.  Homophobic leaders cannot claim that our families don’t exist, or that we only exist in cities like San Francisco.  Practically speaking, quantitative research would be incredibly useful “on the ground” for COLAGE and our partner organizations.

3. Needs Assessment.  To our knowledge, there has never been a comprehensive needs assessment of children with LGBTQ parents or our families.  Researchers could help us determine the “big picture” of the challenges we face and the impact different factors have on our lives.  This in turn will allow grassroots organizations like COLAGE make more informed decisions when developing new programs, prioritizing legislative or court battles, or improving on existing services.

4. Public Opinion.  We live at a time when public opinion regarding LGBTQ people and families is changing constantly.  On the one hand there is a clear increase in acceptance and awareness of our families.  On the other hand, there is a clear backlash, both politically and culturally, against our families.  At a time when nearly every state in the union (and many localities, not to mention the federal government) are making decisions about our families, we could use some strong analysis of public opinion: what is it, what makes it, how it has changed, and where it might be heading.  In communities or areas that seem to be very homophobic, what is the glue that holds this in place?  In areas that are very open, what efforts are made to create and maintain this kind of atmosphere?  In areas that have seen change, what events or messages fueled that change?

5. Standing up to the Right.  Unfortunately, much of the political right-wing is united against LGBTQ families.  They often pursue their anti-family agenda in the name of ‘family values.’  Right-wing organizations sponsor their own research—and they have “proven” many myths and stereotypes about children from LGBTQ families, as well as LGBTQ more generally.  Furthermore, the messages of the right are often successful against a backdrop of misinformation and manipulation.  We need scholars who are able and dedicated to holding these homophobic “scholars” and activists accountable.  Scrutinize their research premises, methodologies, and conclusions.  If conservative scholars are successful because they put out misinformation as truth, we need other scholars to step up and publicly challenge these ideas, and correct the misinformation.  If scholarly journals are publishing inaccurate and methodologically flawed “studies”, they need to feel the weight of their professional peers denouncing such practices.  This is not necessarily a research project, but it is something that will take a community effort, and will significantly ease the burden of grassroots organizations and individuals who are working to interrupt homophobia.  It could conceivably be a subject of research if one wanted to take on an in-depth, historical analysis of conservative lies in the guise of academia.

6. Make your Work Accessible and Available.  Your study could be ground-breaking.  It could shatter homophobic myths, and change how we think about sexuality and families forever.  But if it is only published in an academic journal, or written in specialized language that someone without a degree in your field wouldn’t understand, it may not translate on the ground.  Please take the time to let people outside of the academy know about your work.  Send it to community organizations.  Write a less technical version that could work as a press release or letter to the editor.  Offer free copies of your book to non-profits working to end homophobia.  You have spent time and expertise increasing knowledge of a particular subject—make sure other folks can benefit from and use your work.

Thanks for taking the time to consider these ideas.  We hope that they provide inspiration for your future research.  Whatever questions you decide to pursue, COLAGE appreciates your efforts to increase understanding and awareness of our diverse communities.  Feel free to get in touch with our office—our staff is on hand to help answer your questions and connect you to the information and people you will need for your work.

To Participate or Not to

Participate?

Tips for youth deciding whether or not to volunteer for research studies

As the child of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or queer (LGBTQ) parent(s), you may be invited to participate in a range of research studies aimed to understand the experiences, perspectives, and functioning of youth with LGBTQ parents. These studies may be conducted by high school students, college students, graduate students, or PhD (doctoral) level researchers and scholars, and may be helpful for advancing understanding and knowledge of our families. However, before deciding whether you wish to participate in such studies, it is worth asking the researcher the following questions:

1. What is your personal motivation for conducting this study? Do you have any ties to the LGBTQ community yourself/Are you a COLAGEr? As a potential research participant, you have the right to inquire about the researcher’s reasons for conducting this study, what initially interested them in the topic, what their beliefs are regarding LGBTQ parenting, and so on. Depending on the researcher’s response, you may feel more or less comfortable with participating. For example, if the researcher is a COLAGEr themselves, this suggests that they have some insider knowledge about what they are studying, and are probably motivated by a desire to better understand and share the experiences of other COLAGErs.
2. What are your major research questions? What are you hoping to find out with this study? You may wish to inquire about the topic(s) that the researcher is studying, and what questions the researcher will be asking you if you participate, in order to determine whether you feel comfortable with the types of questions that you would be asked. If any of their responses make you uncomfortable for any reason, you have the right to tell them.
3. What is your affiliation? (Who do you work for, if anyone?) It is a good idea to find out what school, organization, or university the researcher is affiliated with. This way, you can “google” (or research) both the individual and their institution to ensure that neither have taken an explicitly negative or anti-affirming stance with regard to LGBTQ parenting.
4. How will the information I provide be used? It is a good idea to find out how, if at all, the information that you provide will be used. That is, does the researcher plan to present the information or “data” that they gather to a wider audience? (e.g., students, researchers, etc.) Do they plan to publish the information in a journal article or book format? There are benefits to working with a researcher who intends to publish their material. For example, it means that the information you provide may be communicated to a larger audience with the goal of educating and informing that audience about the realities of LGBTQ-parent families and the children in these families. However, if the information that you provide will be shared with a broader audience, it is important to ensure that the information that you provide will be de-identified; that is, that identifying details (your name, and other details that could potentially identify you) will be changed in final publications and reports. If they are doing their research at an undergraduate level, it is not likely that the research will have a broad impact, although it may educate the student themselves and potentially their teacher/s and or classmates.
5. What are my rights in the research process? As described above, it is important to find out whether your information will remain confidential—that is, you should ensure that your name and other identifying details will not be linked to the information you provide in any way. Additionally, it is important to make sure that the research that you will participate in has been approved by the researcher’s institution’s Institutional Review Board. It is the job of Institutional Review Boards (or IRBs, as they are sometimes called) to review the studies that are being conducted by the students, faculty, and employees of the institution to ensure that the rights of study participants (i.e., you) are protected. Do not participate in any study that does not have IRB approval. If the researcher has IRB approval, and you decide to participate in the researcher’s study, you should receive something (which you will be requested to sign) called an “Informed Consent” form. This form details your rights in the research process, and also provides you with the telephone number of the IRB should you have questions or concerns about the research in which you participated, or your rights in the research process.
6. Will you be sharing your findings with research participants? Can I get a copy of the final paper/report/etc.? You may wish to ask the researcher whether they will be sharing the findings of their study with the people who participated in it. Likewise, you may wish to find out whether they are willing to mail or email participants copies of final papers, published reports, or any research summaries that they compile.

After asking the researcher the above questions, or any others you may have, you should only participate if you feel comfortable. Research studies are completely voluntary, which means you should not feel pressured to participate. You may also end your participation at any time once you start. If you start an interview or a survey but do not feel comfortable answering the questions or for other reasons no longer wish to participate, that is your decision. Only YOU know what’s important and feels comfortable to YOU!

You can also turn to COLAGE for help or advice regarding your participation in research studies. If you have any questions about a research study before, during, or after you participate, feel free to contact a member of the COLAGE staff.

Inclusive of Youth

with LGBTQ Parents

There is a long history of youth with lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and/or queer parents being involved with Gay Straight Alliances. In fact, the very first GSA club was started by a straight daughter of lesbian moms with her LGBT peers and teacher because she was sick of hearing homophobia comments in the hallways. She understood that anti-gay words, harassment and discrimination directly impacted her as someone with LGBTQ parents.

Youth involved in COLAGE are still today actively involved in GSA clubs all over the country. Both straight-identified and LGBTQ youth who have one or more LGBTQ parents bring leadership, unique perspectives and intimate knowledge of the harmful effects of homophobia and transphobia to student clubs.  At the same time, GSAs do not always acknowledge or embrace the unique experiences of LGBTQ-parented students.

Ruby from California shared, “I actually started my GSA as the daughter of lesbian moms. But I was one of the only people in it who had LGBTQ parents. COLAGErs {ie. people with one or more LGBTQ parents} didn’t feel like they had a place. The emphasis was on queer youth and straight allies and it wasn’t clear where COLAGErs would fit in.”

Often youth with LGBTQ parents feel that they straddle a unique position within the community. Because they may have grown up immersed in gay culture and community and because they are impacted by homophobia and transphobia in very personal and unique ways, COLAGErs often report that the term “straight ally” doesn’t feel like it fits their roles and potential contributions to GSAs and other queer organizations. One COLAGE participant, Dakota, who identifies as straight, said, “I’m not an ally.” He continued, “I’ve been gay since I went to my first Pride parade with my moms when I was not even a year old!”

Caroline, a student leader from a Massachusetts GSA who has lesbian moms, shared, “I wish students in GSAs would be more respectful of the fact that straight queerspawn can be as much a part of the queer community as LGBTQ students. It’s frustrating to me when, in group discussions, students with LGBT parents aren’t recognized as being a part of and in tune to the gay community.”

How to make sure your GSA is inclusive of students with LGBTQ parents:

1. Be wary about calling students with LGBTQ parents “allies.” Youth with LGBTQ parents often consider themselves part of the LGBTQ community. Some even identify as “culturally queer.” No matter their own sexual orientation or gender identity, they are personally impacted by homophobia and transphobia on political, cultural, legal and societal levels. Many youth with LGBTQ parents have been involved with struggles for LGBTQ rights since they were old enough to talk and walk. Many youth who have thought about being involved with their school’s GSAs have reported that they didn’t like being called allies to the community. Recognizing their unique roll within the LGBTQ community will help validate the contributions and leadership of students with LGBTQ parents. Some groups and organizations might even spell out- LGBTQ youth, youth with LGBTQ parents and straight allies- in advertisements for members.
2. Include activities and content about LGBTQ families in the work of your GSA. Many GSAs tend to focus on issues impacting LGBTQ youth, sometimes to the exclusion of broader topics of importance to the LGBTQ movement. Because GSAs are meant to bring together students from all backgrounds, orientation and identities, if you are able to do cross-issue organizing, as well as include specific information, activities and education about LGBTQ families, students with LGBTQ parents will feel that your club is more applicable to their lives. Learn about laws and policies that would impact families. Celebrate people throughout history who have had LGBTQ parents. Do educational campaigns in your school about youth with LGBTQ parents. If you need resources or help to incorporate content into the work of your club, don’t hesitate to visit the COLAGE website at www.colage.org.
3. Create space for all youth to be leaders in your group. Don’t assume that only youth who identify as LGBTQ are able to provide vision, leadership and enthusiasm for your GSA. COLAGE participants have shared stories where they felt “their opinions didn’t count as much as the gay kids.” All youth committed to the mission and goals of your club should be celebrated and nurtured as leaders and sexual orientation or gender identity shouldn’t be a requirement for having your ideas and opinions matter.
4. Welcome all students. Create a space where youth are able to “come out” about their reasons for joining the group in their own time. Maybe a student wants to be involved with the GSA but isn’t ready or able to say that they have a transgender parent. Don’t question any students’ reasons for joining the group- instead extend a warm welcome to all.
5. Don’t make COLAGErs into poster children. Leave room for youth with LGBTQ parents to share their expertise but don’t expect them to always educate or know all the answers about LGBTQ families and community.  Also, don’t expect that the only issue they will be interested in is families. Youth with LGBTQ parents are broadly impacted by homophobia and transphobia as well as other forms of oppression in ways that transcend just the fact that they have an LGBTQ parent.
6. Don’t expect youth with LGBTQ parents to be straight. Youth with LGBTQ parents, themselves, cover the gamut in terms of their own sexual orientations and gender identity. Some are 2^nd Gen meaning that they are LGBTQ identified and have an LGBTQ parent. Others are straight. Others may be questioning, although often kids of gay parents feel pressure to be straight to somehow prove that their parents didn’t impact their sexuality. Try to let youth decide when and how they come out about any aspect of their identity and be open to the range of identities that youth with LGBTQ parents may have.

These tips are just a starting point for making sure that your GSA is a place that embraces and celebrates youth with LGBTQ parents. Of course, asking for the input and advice of students with LGBTQ parents in your school community is also important as each school and student has different needs and issues.

Another great place to educate yourself on the experiences of students with LGBTQ parents is the recently released report, “Invisible, Involved, Ignored” authored by GLSEN and released with COLAGE and the Family Equality Council.  http://www.glsen.org/cgi-bin/iowa/all/news/record/2271.html . The report surveyed middle and high school students nationally who shared their experiences in schools including the challenges of isolation, bullying and discrimination.

If you want resources about starting a GSA or helpful tools for your group, check out the GSA Network. GSA Network is a youth leadership organization that empowers youth activists to fight homophobia and transphobia in schools through Gay-Straight Alliance clubs that create safer schools and advocate for non-discrimination policies. www.gsanetwork.org

For more information about COLAGE, resources about youth with LGBTQ parents, or to connect with folks with LGBTQ parents through events or chapters near you, visit www.colage.org.