Tips for Making Classrooms Safer for Students with
Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Parents
Developed by the Youth Leadership and Action Program
of COLAGE (Children Of Lesbians and Gays Everywhere)
Spring 2003
COLAGE
415-861-5437
Introduction
Towards the end of the school
year one of my friends passed me a note saying that she had a secret to share.
In pink pen she wrote” my mom is a lesbian”. Upon reading this I sprung out of
my chair and yelled, ME TOO!” We ran around the desks
to hug each other. It amazes me to this day that in the halls of a public
middle school having gay parents is so taboo that even
friends hide the truth about their families.
18 year old daughter of a lesbian mom and gay dads
In middle school when I made
my family tree, my teacher told me it couldn’t have two women. I was told it
could either have one of my moms’ sides, or I could “make up a father.” The
teacher chose to pass on ignorance and intolerance, instead of using the
opportunity to teach my classmates about diversity.
14 year old daughter of a lesbian mom
I wrote a report for school about my
friend Stefan who has a lesbian mom and a gay dad.
While presenting my report to the class I mentioned his parents' sexuality
and everyone went into an uproar. I slunk ashamedly back to my seat
without finishing my report.
16 year old daughter of lesbian moms
In
the
This
guide attempts to introduce teachers to the topic of safety and respect for
youth with LGBT parents in schools. Developed by a group of youth with LGBT
parents in the San Francisco Bay Area, we hope you can use this guide to take
steps in making your classrooms and schools more affirming and safe for
students from LGBT families, as well as all students affected by homophobia and
oppression.
Why is it Important for Teachers to Address this
Issue?
When
I was in 3rd grade, I was absent one day and my teacher decided to
out me to the class. I came to school the next day and was horrified. I was
teased for the next 4 years until I moved to a different district.
15
year old daughter of a lesbian mom
My
baseball team goes to Reno every summer for a tournament. Some of my teammates
fit the jock stereotype of not being very open-minded so I was a little nervous
when my dad and his partner told me they were coming to watch the game. As it
turned out, nothing happened- in fact one kid told me it was “kinda cool” that
my dad brought his partner. But in my school there was the kind of environment
that made me scared that people would find out about my family and then tease
me.
18
year old son of gay dads and a lesbian mom.
* Teachers set the tone for classrooms.
They have the power to foster an atmosphere where the students understand that
they must respect one another despite differences. They also have the power to
set a strong example against hate. For this reason if teachers take the first
step in making classrooms safer for students with LGBT parents, other students,
and the school as a whole will follow.
*Many states have legislation that defines homophobic
harassment in schools to be a hate crime. For example, AB-537 makes it illegal
for students, teachers, or staff in California schools to be harassed verbally,
physically, or emotionally due to reasons of actual or perceived sexual
orientation. School districts who have violated this law have been required to
pay million dollar settlements to victims of homophobia harassment. AB 537, the
California Student Safety and Violence Prevention Act of 2000, changed
California's Education Code by adding actual or perceived sexual orientation and
gender identity to the existing nondiscrimination policy. The state defines
"gender" as "a person's actual sex or perceived sex and includes
a person's perceived identity, appearance or behavior, whether or not that
identity, appearance, or behavior is different from that traditionally
associated with a person's sex at birth." The nondiscrimination policy
also prohibits harassment and discrimination on the basis of sex, ethnic group
identification, race, ancestry, national origin, religion, color, or mental or
physical disability. One resource for learning about legislation in your state
is the Gay, Lesbian, Straight Education Network at www.glsen.org.
*
In order to effectively learn, kids need to feel safe in their classroom
environments. Being teased or harassed,
living in fear, or feeling invisible because of ones family does not contribute
to a child’s ability to learn and blossom in the classroom. Despite your beliefs on sexual orientation
and gender, it is the role of a teacher to ensure the equal safety of each
student and to equally protect each student so that they may learn.
Tips for Teachers to Make Classrooms Safer for Students with LGBT
Parents
When filling out
permission slips, emergency waivers, and financial aid forms my parent sand I
have to cross out the heading “father” and write in “mother.”
18 year old daughter of lesbian moms.
When I was a
freshman in high school, one of my mothers died. Everyday for two weeks the
principal for my school program would pull me out of class to see how I was
doing. He acknowledged that she was a parent and not just my mother’s partner.
It shows the potential of how big a difference schools can make.
18 year old daughter of lesbian moms and a gay step-father
In language
classes from kindergarten through high school, every time I had a new teacher
and we were describing our families, I was told that I was not doing it right
because I said I had two mothers instead of a mother and father.
17 year old daughter of lesbian moms
1.
Always intervene whenever you hear anti-gay language or actions. At the
beginning of the year set classroom rules that include making it clear that
racist, homophobic, sexist, and all discriminatory comments are not welcome in
your classroom. Whenever you hear something being said, step right in. If
possible use it as a “teachable moment” in your classroom. Send a clear message
that homophobia will never be tolerated. In addition, try to link homophobia to
other types of oppression- teach students that hate in all of it forms is
wrong.
2.
Ask about a student’s background instead of making assumptions. Create a
classroom where each student is able to share freely about their identity and
families. Use language that is empowering to youth with LGBT parents. For
example, many youth report that when asked about their families that are headed
by two same-sex parents, people will ask, “Which one is your real mom/dad?”
However in alternative families, youth see anyone serving in a parental role as
their real parent. Youth who feel comfortable to talk about their families will
use the terms that they are comfortable with to describe their parents.
3.
Visually show your support. On your walls include a poster about diverse
families (perhaps one of the educational posters offered by COLAGE) or other
images that show you are an ally to LGBT people and issues. You can also use
Safe Zone posters which are commonly used by teachers to make a statement
against homophobia.
4.
Avoid heterosexism in your classroom and assignments. Some examples: In
language classes asking youth to describe their families; often youth with LGBT
parents have been reprimanded for using the wrong gender pronouns. However, the
fact that they are using he and he to describe two dads is correct, their
teachers were making the heterosexist assumption that parents can only be
straight. If you assign family origin or
family tree projects, allow youth from LGBT families to make their own decisions
about how they portray their families whether it is two parents of the same
gender, or multiple parents who co-parent them, etc. As much as possible use
gender-neutral language in both classroom in informal conversations.
5.
Include Topics about Diversity in your curriculum: Study different kinds
of families, famous LGBT people (and when someone you are studying anyway is a
LGBT person, mention that). Have speakers, use videos, and books to show
students that diversity is something to be celebrated. Perhaps use events such
as National Coming Out Day, Pride Day, or a Unity Week as a reason to
incorporate LGBT issues positively into your classroom through discussions and
projects.
6.
Never out a student with LGBT parents. The only person who should make
the decision to share about their family is the student when they feel safe and
ready to do so.
7.
Do not make assumptions about youth with LGBT parents. Youth from
alternative families report that people often assume certain traits will apply
to all youth with LGBT parents. For example, do not expect that a student who
has LGBT parents will also be gay.
Research shows that there is no higher incidence of homosexuality among
people raised by LGBT parents than by heterosexual parents.
8.
Make your classroom accessible to LGBT families. Do not rely on forms,
permission slips, or other paperwork that asks for signatures from mother and
father. Instead use the terms Parent/Guardian.
On Back to School night, or during parent teacher conferences expect and
welcome LGBT parents.
9.
Work with your administration to make sure your school is safe for
students with LGBT families. Suggest that the faculty at your school does an
LGBT sensitivity training, or an in-service about LGBT and diverse families.
Discuss protocols for dealing with anti-gay or anti-gay family harassment on
school-wide or department levels so that all teachers are equipped to address
homophobia.
10.
Educate yourself. Learn more about LGBT families, and issues. Not only
will this allow you to be informed when students raise questions or need
resources, but it will help you be better equipped to address incidents of
homophobia in your school and to include LGBT content in your curriculum. As a starting point, use the resources in the
back of this guide for suggestions of books, movies, websites and more.
11.
Be involved. If your school has a
Gay Straight Alliance or other type of club, attend meetings when possible to
show your support. You can also offer to be the faculty advisor for such a club
if students are trying to start one in your school. If you are involved in your
school’s GSA, Rainbow Club, or other diversity club, ensure that LGBT family
issues are included and that youth from LGBT families are welcomed as
participants.
Definitions
In sixth grade, I was shocked when I heard “fag” being used in a derogatory manner- by a girl whose mom is a lesbian! It disappointed me, but also made me realized that kids use words without knowing that they are attacking someone. Once she learned what the word meant she stopped calling people “fag.”
16 year old daughter of lesbian moms.
In
order to be able to comfortably address issues of LGBT families in your
classroom, it’s important to be familiar with some of the terms and words
commonly used in conversations about LGBT families. This list is just a start to facilitate
initial conversations about students with LGBT parents.
Adoption- An option for LGBT parents considering
parenthood. Laws concerning gay adoption vary from state to state. There are
some states where there is an outright ban on gay adoption. Other states have
fairly liberal laws allowing two parents of the same sex to adopt a child
(second-parent adoption) To learn about the gay adoption laws in your state,
you can visit the Family Net of the Human Rights Commission (www.hrc.org) for a listing of adoption laws in
each of the 50 states.
Bisexual- People whose attraction to others is
fluid between same-sex and opposite sex partners.
Co-parenting When two or more adults, usually not
involved in a romantic relationship, share the parenting responsibilities of a
child(ren).
Donor
Insemination (sometimes
referred to as alternative insemination) Conception using a sperm donation
(sometimes anonymous, sometimes known).
Gay – Someone who is primarily attracted to
people of their same sex, most commonly used to describe men.
GSA- Gay Straight Alliance- School-based
clubs which bring together LGBT and straight ally youth for social,
educational, advocacy, or other types of activities. Some schools use different names for clubs of
this sort.
Heterosexism: A preference by both people
and/or institutions for heterosexual people over others. Also can be the
presumption of heterosexuality.
Homophobia: Irrational fear of, aversion to, or
discrimination against homosexuality or homosexuals. Like all prejudices it is
based on a set of myths and stereotypes. Because it is so rarely challenged
structurally, it is destructive both in terms of societal and legal limitations
and in terms of violence against LGBT people, people perceived to be LGBT, or
people related to LGBT individuals.
Lesbian- Women who are primarily attracted to
women
Out (as a verb) The act of telling people
about a person’s sexual orientation or gender identity. In the case of students
with LGBT parents, its referred to as coming out about their family. To out
someone means to share this information on their behalf (with our without their
consent).
Second
Parent Adoption- When one
parent is the biological parent of a child, some states allow the second parent
to do a second parent adoption through which both parents become the legal
parents of the child.
Sexual
orientation- the sex(es)
you are attracted to
Slurs- Negative words used to berate LGBT
people. Also can mean simply using a word such as gay but in a negative context
(eg. You are SO gay!) Slurs also refer to any words used in a discriminatory
manner and can be racists, sexist, etc.
Straight- Someone who is attracted to people of
the opposite sex.
Transgender- an umbrella term often used to describe
everyone who does not conform to the social roles that their biological sex is
supposed to play. This is independent of sexual orientation.
Transsexual- One who feels that their biological sex
does not match their psychological gender. Usually a transsexual is living as
their preferred sex, and will, or has had operations to change some of the
physical aspects of their sex. Transsexuals can be straight, gay, or bi.
Transvestite- One who wears the clothes of the other
sex for fun or for sexual reasons. Transvestites do not want to be that sex.
They are usually straight men. A less clinical term used by many transvestites
is Cross Dresser.
Resources
The
following are some suggested organizations, books, and videos that can assist
your efforts to make classrooms safer for students with LGBT parents. In no
means is it meant to be an exhaustive list of the vast resources available on
LGBT people, communities and information.
Breaking the Classroom Silence: A Curriculum about
Lesbian and Gay Human Rights. Donahue and
Satterwaite, Amnesty International, 1994.
Breaking the Silence: Lesbian and Gay Parents and
the Schools. V. Caspar. Teachers College Record 94 (1992): 109-37.
Both My Moms' Names Are Judy. A 10 minute
video which presents a racially diverse group of children talking about how the
classroom silence about lesbians and gay men affects them, and what they would
like to see change. Comes with an extensive resource guide and suggestions
for our workshop, "Overcoming Homophobia in the Elementary Classroom.
For more info, please contact: Lesbian and Gay Parents Association of San
Francisco at LGPASF@aol.com.
COLAGE (Children Of Lesbians And Gays
Everywhere) engages, connects, and empowers people to make the world a better
place for people with lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender parents and
families. Programs include local chapters, the Just For Us publication
which is included in membership, online chat lists for youth, pen pal program,
scholarship, annual Family Weeks, and more. www.colage.org
415-861-5437. COLAGE also publishes book, video, and other resources lists
which can be accessed at http://www.colage.org/resources.html
Family Pride
Coalition is a national
organization that aims to advance the well-being of lesbian, gay,
bisexual and transgendered parents and their families through mutual support,
community collaboration, and public understanding. Based in Washington DC, FPC
provides programming for LGBT families across the country. 202.331.5015,
familypride.org.
Gay
Parents/Straight Schools.
Caspar, V and Schulz. New York: Teachers College Press, 1999.
GLSEN (Gay, Lesbian, Straight Education
Network) is a national organization fighting to end
anti-gay bias in K-12 schools. GLSEN combats the harassment and discrimination
leveled against students and school personnel. GLSEN believes that the key to
ending anti-gay prejudice and hate-motivated violence is education. www.glsen.org
It’s Elementary: Talking About Gay
Issues In School A highly acclaimed film shot in first
through eighth grade classrooms across the United States. The film is a window
into what really happens when educators address gay issues with their students
in age-appropriate ways. 1996, Women’s Educational Media. http://www.womedia.org/our/elem.html
Love Makes a Family: Gay Parents in the 90's Meet a lesbian
single mother who shares parenting with the gay father of her son; a lesbian
couple who care for one's children by a previous marriage; and a gay male
couple with two adopted sons; a clinical psychologist and a therapist who work
with gay families and their children. 1991, 16 min. Fanlight Productions,
1-800-937-4113
Opening Doors: Lesbian and Gay Parents and Schools. A resource
booklet aimed for educators as well as for lesbian and gay parents. Educational
Advisory Committee of the Family Pride Coalition. www.familypride.org, 1999.
Our House: A Very Real Documentary about Kids of
Gay and Lesbian Parents. Meema
Spadola. A documentary featuring the stories of youth in 5 lesbian and gay
families across the country. The diverse
experiences of the youth in the film paint a touching and insightful portrait
of the lives of youth with lesbian and gay parents. 2000. www.itvs.org/ourhouse.
Out of the Ordinary: Essays on Growing Up with Gay,
Lesbian, and Transgender Parents. Edited by Noelle Howey and Emily Samuels. A
collection of essays and stories written by people with LGBT parents about
their experiences- both difficult and triumphant, serious and humorous. New
York: St. Martin’s Press, 2000.
PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and
Gays). PFLAG promotes the health and well-being of gay, lesbian, bisexual and
transgendered persons, their families and friends through: support and
advocacy. Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays provides
opportunity for dialogue about sexual orientation and gender identity, and acts
to create a society that is healthy and respectful of human diversity.
www.pflag.org
“School Experiences of the Children of
Lesbian and Gay Parents.” Ray, V. and Gregory, R. Family
Matters 59 (Winter 2001): 28-41.
School’s Out: The Impact of Gay and
Lesbian Issues on America’s Schools. Dan Woog. Boston: Alyson Publications,
1995.
Tackling Gay Issues in School: A
Resource Module. L. Mitchell. GLSEN Connecticut and
Planned Parenthood of Connecticut, 1999.
That’s a Family! Is the first film in the Respect
for All series, is a highly entertaining half-hour documentary that breaks
new ground in helping kids see and understand many of the different shapes that
families take today. Designed especially for children in elementary school, THAT’S
A FAMILY! will stretch your mind and touch your heart, no matter what your
age. 2000, Women’s Educational Media. http://www.womedia.org/our/elem.html
Welcoming
Children from Sexual Minority Families into Our Schools. Linda and Laura Lamme. A booklet written
by a lesbian mom and her daughter that provides a comprehensive look at LGBT
families and schools. Phi Delta Kappy Educational Foundation. Bloomington, IN,
2003. www.pdkintl.org
This
guide was developed by the Youth Leadership and Action Program of COLAGE. YLAP
is a group of COLAGE youth members ages 14-20 with LGBT parents in the Bay Area
of California. ©2003
YLAP
gives permission to you to reprint or re-use the information in this guide so
long as you do not alter and you credit COLAGE for all content.
Youth
Leadership and Action Program 2003
Abby
Lawton, Age 16
Breauna
Dickson, age 14
Claire
Veeninga, Age 15
Kate
McChesney, Age 18
Landon
Modena-Kurpinsky, age 20
Maraya
Massin-Levey, age16
Marina
Gatto, age 14
Meredith
Fenton, COLAGE Program Coordinator
Morgan
Early, age18
Quinn
Duffy, age 18
Rachel
Bartleman, age 16
Ruby
Cymrot-Wu, age 18
Whitney
Modena-Kurpinsky, age 17
For
more information about YLAP or COLAGE contact us:
415-861-5437
colage@colage.org